IC INBOX | McGillis Fareed

[vogelfrei]

@McGillis Fareed

monday

---

ABOUT ME

Brigadier General, pilot, bird lover.

NOTE

I'll get back to you as soon as possible.

Message @monday

Comments

[vogelfrei]

[ It stings when Izou is being the mature person in a conversation. McGillis wants to go back to provoking him into pointing swords, with all 'complications' well-existent but buried deep underneath more easily processed sentiments.

McGillis stares into his drink, because that's a better place to look than at the other man. ]

I do not.

[ It'd be a lie, and he's lied enough already. Mafuyu, Eli, Celeste and Argenti have all encouraged him to change himself - with varying word choices and varying intensity. He'll at least try to honor their efforts. ]

[goei]

[It's a shame McGillis is looking at his drink, because when he says those words, there's a slight but visible shift in Izou's posture, a relaxing of muscles, a sense of relief.]

Stupid choice if ya ask me. I tried to kill you, and I know you got the sense ta tell that if everyone else hadn't shown up I'd have died before I stopped trying.

[Taking another large sip.]

Even before that, you helped get me outta my palace when you barely knew me and I hadn't said anything nice to ya.

[He just turns his gaze on McGillis with a tacit; explain yourself motherfucker.]

[vogelfrei]

[ McGillis raises an eyebrow at the implicit question. ]

I'm stubborn and I don't like leaving things unfinished.

[ That's the explanation for the palace, there you go. For a lot of it, McGillis was treating it as a puzzle and a challenge - something to be won and overcome in the same way he'd want to win and overcome anything else.

But unfortunately it doesn't end there. Now that he's accepted the olive branch and resigned himself to having this conversation for real, McGillis also finds himself relaxing. Or should that be giving up? Giving in? ]

And you reminded me of someone I knew.

[ NONE OF THIS IS TOUCHING THE CURRENT POST-MURDER-ATTEMPT STATE BUT WE'LL GET THERE. MAYBE. ]

[goei]

[If he'd been forced to guess McGillis's reasoning... Well he wouldn't have had a lot ideas because he's not that smart, though "pure stubbornness" maybe he'd have arrived at. The second reason surprises him more.]

... Yeah? The guy you killed or someone else?

[vogelfrei]

Well, it's hard not to liken you to Gaelio with matters like this.

[ So there's that. But Izou copes much differently from Gaelio and their personalities are night and day, the overlay begins and ends with the way McGillis and Izou pick at each other's complimentary wounds. ]

Not who I meant though. The man I'm thinking of is the most gifted mobile suit pilot I've ever seen - a fighter beyond compare, a gale wind in a rotten world... And a pack animal through and through.

[ He says this last bit with obvious disdain. ]

[goei]

[Izou perks up as McGillis talks only to deflate at the end.]

Here I was thinkin' you were giving me and that guy a compliment until the last sentence. The hell does that even mean?

[vogelfrei]

[ It's still a compliment because McGillis does think Mikazuki's way of fighting is beautiful! Not that he's going to try and hammer that home right now, inflating Izou's ego is not his priority. ]

He'd go where his leader tells him to go and nowhere else. His power is without direction. He uses it only for his 'family' and lacks vision beyond that. It's a waste.

[goei]

Without direction? What the hell is wrong with fighting for and protecting just yer own family? Sounds like he's got plenty direction ta me.

[Like sure, the Kinnou-tou was fighting to change all of Japan, but Izou couldn't be bothered to care about hypothetical people he didn't even know. He was doing it because Ryouma wanted it, and because Ryouma and Takechi and everyone else said it would be good for Tosa. Good for everyone falling victim to the ruling class. Which meant good for the people he cared about.]

1/2

[vogelfrei]

[ McGillis actually laughs at that. ]

There's a reason I think he and you are like.

[vogelfrei]

[ And after another large swig of sake: ]

True freedom from everything and everyone that ties you down is what gives you the power to change the world. True power is pure and solitary.

... and yet I'm here.

[ Died to a man fighting for love, fallen victim to his own affections, summoned by the goddess of community, and drinking with a man who tried to kill him. The whole true freedom thing isn't going great for him. ]

[goei]

[Izou finishes his second cup and slams it a little too heavily down on the desk before looking back at McGillis.]

That's the stupidest fucking thing I've ever heard!

[He jabs a slightly inebriated finger in McGillis's direction.]

Even if that IS true, what the hell's the point of having "true power" if ya don't have anything or anyone ta use it for!?

[vogelfrei]

[ Ahh, finally he can feel superior to Izou again because Izou's blood runs hot where McGillis' is cold. Or so he tells himself, but he brightens up at being provoked into this argument... like a man who also isn't sober anymore, oops. ]

You use it for yourself, and for ideals. This is why you don't have vision.

[ You use it to make yourself untouchable. You use it to feel safe, for once in your miserable life. ]

[goei]

[ENJOY YOUR MORAL VICTORY WHILE YOU CAN MCGILLIS!]

Yeah, yeah, I'm some feral dog on a leash and you're some big important fuckhead with yer fancy ideals and "vision," I got it!

And how the hell did all that go for you?? Cause I don't think I've seen you smile properly once in all the weeks we've been here!

[vogelfrei]

[ ... hey, what.

McGillis actually looks genuinely perplexed by this assessment, and he's drunk enough to not mask it. ]

...and how do you think you can tell?

[goei]

Obviously. Cause of Ryouma. I've known that idiot since we were kids, and he's done the same shit blending in with the rich and powerful folks. I can tell when he's actually smiling and when he's just puttin' one on fer appearances. Yer doing the same shit.

[This is a flawed theory but hey. If it works?]

[vogelfrei]

[ It worked well enough to throw McGillis off his game, at least. ]

Ah... Gaelio called it a mask. Said it frustrated him.

[ And here we are again, with a lot of other men existing in the room as specters. ]

... not that he could tell that I was still hiding the truth about myself and my father from him, even in private. He was satisfied scratching off the first layer and leaving it at that.

[goei]

[Ah. Speaking of that freak.]

Y'mean the creepy dolls and the fact that he bought you?

[IZOU YOU CAN'T JUST SAY THAT.]

cw csa

[vogelfrei]

[ ... he'd almost felt safe and now, there it is. He brought it up himself because he relaxed too much.

No way to retreat now. ]

It's not dolls in the real world. It's other blonde boys, because he has a fetish.

1/???

[goei]

[Ah. Then that means.

And what the little McGillis said....]

2/???

[goei]

[THEN.... EVEN AFTER HE STOPPED BEING "FOR SALE" HE WAS...]

3/???

[goei]

[HE GOT "SAVED" FROM THE STREETS.....

BUT THEN WASN'T EVEN ACTUALLY SAFE IN HIS OWN HOME??????]

4/???

[goei]

[Izou stands up, only to grab McGillis's cup and refill it even if it's not empty.]

5/5

[goei]

[He then sits back down and jabs a finger at McGillis again, though the direction of his anger has changed.]

Tell me you killed that fucking guy.
[There's a hoarse rasp in his voice that doesn't come out often because it's the sound of of Izou holding back from yelling.]

[vogelfrei]

[ McGillis watches Izou's expressions shift and twist in mild interest, detached as though none of this had anything to do with him. It's amusing how expressive the other man is, how every feeling shows so clearly on his face the moment it appears.

Isn't it inconvenient to wear your heart on your sleeve like that?, he wonders.

And then he's not really looking at Izou anymore, or at anything much. Iznario Fareed is alive - exiled but alive, and all too gleeful about ruining McGillis' standing further when it suits him. A tell-all on TV, de-legitimizing him. It's all a massive joke.

McGillis is quiet for a long moment, and then just settles on the simple truth: ]

Father is alive.

[ And McGillis is dead, and here. ]

[goei]

Do you want me to kill him? Just say the word.

[Izou in the palace: Don't tell me what to do
Izou now: I changed my mind tell me what to do.

The fact that McGillis's dad isn't here to kill is irrelevant as far as Izou is concerned. He'll find a way.]