[He then sits back down and jabs a finger at McGillis again, though the direction of his anger has changed.]
Tell me you killed that fucking guy. [There's a hoarse rasp in his voice that doesn't come out often because it's the sound of of Izou holding back from yelling.]
[ McGillis watches Izou's expressions shift and twist in mild interest, detached as though none of this had anything to do with him. It's amusing how expressive the other man is, how every feeling shows so clearly on his face the moment it appears.
Isn't it inconvenient to wear your heart on your sleeve like that?, he wonders.
And then he's not really looking at Izou anymore, or at anything much. Iznario Fareed is alive - exiled but alive, and all too gleeful about ruining McGillis' standing further when it suits him. A tell-all on TV, de-legitimizing him. It's all a massive joke.
McGillis is quiet for a long moment, and then just settles on the simple truth: ]
[ McGillis pulls his legs up onto the bed and let's himself fall back against the wall with a heavy thump. Some of the drink winds up spilling because Izou did just fill his cup to the brim, but he doesn't pay it any mind right now. It just feels better to sit with something to lean on. ]
I don't need saving.
[ Even beyond all the impossible logistics here, that's the more important objection. ]
[ McGillis always told himself killing Iznario is inconvenient, because it'd immediately cast suspicion on him as the adopted heir. He'd be weakening his own position by lashing out against Iznario this way - exposing his corruption and getting him exiled was the best way to get back at him. The most convenient.
He doesn't dare think that there were other reasons he couldn't lay a hand on the man. ]
So which of us would you be killing first in this scenario? Father or son?
[ When confronted with something too painful to think about for longer than a second, McGillis falls back into provocation instead. He needs to put a wall up, and fast. ]
[If Izou was more observant and analytical he'd notice McGillis keeps doing this. But alas, he is only a drunk little dog (and I rolled a fucking. One.)]
Obviously the other guy. [He will NOT call that man your father you weirdo.] If I killed you first you wouldn't be able ta pay me fer the job.
[Ah, right. He did say something about that before, didn't he. Kinda makes killing the shitty "dad" pointless when it's not like McGillis is going home... Wait, actually.]
... Why're you even bothering to do shit here? Th'promise the goddess made ta send us back doesn't mean shit t'you if yer already dead. Yer not a heroic spirit like me, 'cause I had ta explain it to you.
[ McGillis takes a large long sip from his glass and then finally puts it aside, even if it's not yet fully empty. This is as drunk as he can afford to get before it gets messy, he figures, even as he is dimly aware that it's already messy and he's already very drunk. ]
What now? You think I should've just killed myself again since the first death failed to stick?
[Skill issue, Izou is going to get as drunk as he can without becoming incoherent, at this rate. He's already on his way there.]
I'm sayin' that if I was summoned and told I'd get sent back to th'throne in three months no matter what, I would jus' do whatever th'hell I wanted. Braphine don't got command seals or anything, she can't punish me'r make me kill myself 'f I don't do what she says.
[Izou you haven't even explained the throne or command seals to McGillis.]
You aughta just enjoy yerself before ya go back t'bein' dead if ya ask me.
[We'll return to McGillis's cool escape plan in a second and the flaws Izou sees in it, but first;]
M'Yeah. When a heroic spirit gets summoned as a servant, th'mage that summons'em has three command seals as proof've th'contract. If they use one of 'em to issue a command, y'gotta do it no matter what. Like, yer body will just do it.
A servant who refuses t'comply ain't worth shit, so a lotta mages will threaten you with that.
[ It's nice to be distracted from his own deeply miserable situation, but McGillis can't exactly find joy in it. He's staring at Izou with a creased brow and obvious consternation. ]
And if you did kill yourself? What then? Would it be impossible to summon you again?
Nah, you just go back to th'throne of heroes when you die either that way'r in a fight. I mean, I've been summoned loads of times before Fujimaru did, but since th'throne exists outside'a time 'n space it's hard t'remember specifics of the other times.
Fer normal grail wars, there's jus' seven of us bein' summoned fer a fight to the death. Last one standin' gets a wish on th'holy grail.
[In other words, any time he's summoned he's going to likely end up dead one way or another.]
[ That is incredibly fucked up. McGillis takes back any and all disappointment about Izou not knowing Agnika Kaieru - he could not in good conscience wish that fate on his hero.
He's quiet for a moment. What a miserable existence, forever being handed from slave master to slave master... ]
Like I said, it's hard ta remember. But I figure if I got a wish, I'd want ta be alive again, so prob'ly not.
[Since he'd no longer be a servant then.]
Plus.... I may be a sword genius, but... that's all I'm good fer. I ain't got magic 'r super strength 'r lasers'n shit... [As much as he brags, he's not on the level of big heroes like Achilles or Gilgamesh.]
Half th'time I don't even get ta fight the way I want, 'cause Assassin's a class that operates in the shadows. I don't get t'have proper duels like a Saber class servant would.
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Y'mean the creepy dolls and the fact that he bought you?
[IZOU YOU CAN'T JUST SAY THAT.]
cw csa
No way to retreat now. ]
It's not dolls in the real world. It's other blonde boys, because he has a fetish.
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And what the little McGillis said....]
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BUT THEN WASN'T EVEN ACTUALLY SAFE IN HIS OWN HOME??????]
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Tell me you killed that fucking guy.
[There's a hoarse rasp in his voice that doesn't come out often because it's the sound of of Izou holding back from yelling.]
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Isn't it inconvenient to wear your heart on your sleeve like that?, he wonders.
And then he's not really looking at Izou anymore, or at anything much. Iznario Fareed is alive - exiled but alive, and all too gleeful about ruining McGillis' standing further when it suits him. A tell-all on TV, de-legitimizing him. It's all a massive joke.
McGillis is quiet for a long moment, and then just settles on the simple truth: ]
Father is alive.
[ And McGillis is dead, and here. ]
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[Izou in the palace: Don't tell me what to do
Izou now: I changed my mind tell me what to do.
The fact that McGillis's dad isn't here to kill is irrelevant as far as Izou is concerned. He'll find a way.]
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I don't need saving.
[ Even beyond all the impossible logistics here, that's the more important objection. ]
Don't get it into your head to pity me.
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[But he knows sometimes... Certain people are hard to kill because of emotional reasons or whatever.]
But it's my job ta kill people who deserve it and I ain't never heard of someone who deserves it more.
[A child shouldn't have to have a grim face like that. A child shouldn't have to be in a situation where he was so desperate to chase after power.]
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He doesn't dare think that there were other reasons he couldn't lay a hand on the man. ]
So which of us would you be killing first in this scenario? Father or son?
[ When confronted with something too painful to think about for longer than a second, McGillis falls back into provocation instead. He needs to put a wall up, and fast. ]
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Obviously the other guy. [He will NOT call that man your father you weirdo.] If I killed you first you wouldn't be able ta pay me fer the job.
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[ Is this where you develop an honor codex, Izou? ]
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Yeah? I'm a professional asssassin, not just some aimless bandit. There's nothing honorable about stealin' from a dead man.
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Too bad I won't hire you then, and nobody would pay you for my death either. A second one is probably a lot cheaper than a first anyhow.
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... Why're you even bothering to do shit here? Th'promise the goddess made ta send us back doesn't mean shit t'you if yer already dead. Yer not a heroic spirit like me, 'cause I had ta explain it to you.
cw suicide mention
What now? You think I should've just killed myself again since the first death failed to stick?
cw suicide mention technically
I'm sayin' that if I was summoned and told I'd get sent back to th'throne in three months no matter what, I would jus' do whatever th'hell I wanted. Braphine don't got command seals or anything, she can't punish me'r make me kill myself 'f I don't do what she says.
[Izou you haven't even explained the throne or command seals to McGillis.]
You aughta just enjoy yerself before ya go back t'bein' dead if ya ask me.
cont suicide mentions???.
I'm not going back to being dead, if Braphine is suppose to be believed. I can go anywhere as long as it's not my world.
[ ... and then the rest of what Izou said catches up with him. Wait a fucking second. ]
... make you kill yourself?
yeah anyone reading just assume that cw until we say otherwise
M'Yeah. When a heroic spirit gets summoned as a servant, th'mage that summons'em has three command seals as proof've th'contract. If they use one of 'em to issue a command, y'gotta do it no matter what. Like, yer body will just do it.
A servant who refuses t'comply ain't worth shit, so a lotta mages will threaten you with that.
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And if you did kill yourself? What then? Would it be impossible to summon you again?
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Fer normal grail wars, there's jus' seven of us bein' summoned fer a fight to the death. Last one standin' gets a wish on th'holy grail.
[In other words, any time he's summoned he's going to likely end up dead one way or another.]
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He's quiet for a moment. What a miserable existence, forever being handed from slave master to slave master... ]
Did you and your mage ever win?
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[Since he'd no longer be a servant then.]
Plus.... I may be a sword genius, but... that's all I'm good fer. I ain't got magic 'r super strength 'r lasers'n shit...
[As much as he brags, he's not on the level of big heroes like Achilles or Gilgamesh.]
Half th'time I don't even get ta fight the way I want, 'cause Assassin's a class that operates in the shadows. I don't get t'have proper duels like a Saber class servant would.
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