[Normally, Arven wouldn't think too much about what his roomie is getting up to. But it's gotten late and Eli's still not back for the night. Given what's happened recently, Arven can't help but worry a little.
Okay, worry a lot. But he'd never admit it aloud.
Fortunately, he's able to track Eli down with the help of Mabosstiff's trusty nose. The roof isn't where he expected to find him, but at least he's here and...seemingly safe?]
There you are. [Mabosstiff reaches Eli before Arven does, but he's not far behind.] What're you doing up here this late?
[ Sulking and finishing off one of the bottles of schnapps Celeste got him not even that long ago, that's what. Well, that and... Eli's quick to wipe his face dry on his sleeve and looks away, trying his best to disguise that he's been crying because, shit, he doesn't want Arven getting upset about any of this. ]
Can't a guy just sit on a fucking roof? I like it up here, okay?
Oh, get stuffed. You ain't my mum. I don't got to tell you... tell you nothing.
[ His words are a little slurred, and he sounds sniffly for some reason. This is probably fine. ]
'sides, should be happy to have a whole ass night without your stupid, useless roommate... maybe I'll move out and live up here forever instead... no one should have to deal with me, y'know?
I should have just let... let someone else do it all. Stayed out of it. Thought I was being clever for once, but nah. Now Argenti's gone... bet Mafuyu hates me... everyone knows I'm a stupid beast...
[It's a lot to take in at first, but the pieces start coming together. Some serious things happened at that summoning, and...Eli's been crying about it, hasn't he.
Well, for whatever worth it may hold, it doesn't make Arven think less of his roommate. He has plenty of other criticisms, sure, but this isn't one of them.]
Can we sit with you for a while? Or...at least let Mabosstiff stay if you really don't want me here. You just...look like you could use some company, even if you don't think you do.
[Arven huffs and rolls his eyes. Why is Eli making him translate his stupid reverse-psychology speak?]
Mabosstiff, you wanna sit with Eli for a while?
[The Pokemon woofs in response, parking himself at Eli's side. Of course he cares about Eli too.
Though Arven makes it seem like he's just going to leave Mabosstiff with Eli and leave, he ends up plopping down on the opposite side of his roommate and gives him a nudge on the shoulder.]
C'mon, talk to me. What happened? You've listened to me talk about my issues. I'll listen to yours.
's not the same when you were forced to talk about them.
[ Which is true, okay?! He's sullenly silent for a moment before breathing out a sigh and setting his bottle aside. He'll lay that hand on Mabosstiff instead. It's generally comforting, just petting a dog. ]
I mean, alla it... pretty much sucks, right? But the whole. [ Vague hand gesture. ] How we get our Persona thing... I... hate being seen that way... as a beast. Some. Some dirty, horrible monster that should just be put down, but if those are based on our natures, and Garm's a dirty... horrible monster...
[ Maybe not dirty, but horrible, perhaps, that much is true from appearances alone. ]
I meant after that. When we escaped and you offered to hear me talk some more on my own terms. [But...yeah, Eli's got a point. At the root of it all, there was some degree of force behind it. Fine, he'll just come out and say it then!!!] Look, I just hate seeing you mope like this, okay?
[But Eli does eventually relent, and Arven listens carefully. So it's like that, huh...
His eyebrows furrow as he draws his legs up and rests his arms on them. He still hasn't been able to make much sense out of his own Persona's connection to his nature, but he doesn't hate Hestia. Eli and Garm, though...he remembers Eli's initial reaction to the hellhound.]
It is, and 'm sick and tired of it! I keep yelling about how I'm as human as anyone else, but I'm not, am I?! I'm just a freak... I'm dangerous... and stupid... some dog to keep chained up until you... until you need him...
[ Which is traumatically similar to Izou's problems, but at least Izou got to be human until the end! Fffuck, here comes the tears again. ]
This all just proves it... my nature is nothing but a beast... a fuckin' wolf, a hellhound, whatever. Doesn't fuckin' matter which, the message is clear, y'know? It's not like I haven't tried! Everything was fine until we had to stay in the city! Didn't have to deal with normal humans... staring... refusing to be around me... didn't have to sleep indoors all the time or... or follow all their shitty ass rules...
[As Eli elaborates, Arven quickly realizes how in over his head he is. He doesn't know how much help he can be. But can't he say the same for his experiences in the palaces? The best he can do is listen and try. Eli deserves that much.]
I can't begin to imagine the stuff you've gone through back home, or say I understand what it feels like to be in your shoes. [With a deadly condition like lycanthropy.] Heck, I was even one of those same people freaking out when you told me. But it was dumb of me.
[He gives another nudge, gentler this time.]
I don't think you're just a beast. I've only ever known you as Eli- the guy who helped Aubrey get out a deep, dark nightmare. The guy who cares about people. The guy who cares about animals, which is even more important if you ask me.
[It's an attempt to lighten the mood, but he also means it. He was annoyed at how Eli cozied up to Mabosstiff at first because they were butting heads, but as they've spent more time together, he's come to appreciate it. Even if they still butt heads.]
And yeah, I know I haven't seen you transformed. But I think at this point it wouldn't change what I think. Because I know you're more than that. Way more.
As for Garm... [He drums his fingers against his knees.] D'you think he came out of you 'cause of how you're talking right now?
Tch, of course caring about animals is more important...
[ Cue additional ear ruffles for Mabosstiff. ]
They don't care what I am. Well. Mostly. Prey animals freak out a bit. [ Don't Let Him Near Rabbits. ] And, I mean... you all ain't the problem. It's not like everyone back home's at fault for being afraid. I'm... tame, I guess... but others out there would rather run around attacking people, biting them, even eating them...
[ That fear isn't unjustified, generally, but Eli isn't feral. Good luck convincing a regular passerby of that, though. ]
I don't even know what the fuck to think about Garm. I mean, why else would he have come from me? He's a dangerous beast, I'm a dangerous beast... That makes sense, doesn't it?
[Mabosstiff leans into the ear ruffles, his tail wagging contentedly.]
Can you blame me? I saw more Pokemon than people growing up.
[But this isn't about him, so he quickly moves on from that.]
I mean, I guess it's natural to be afraid, but having a heart and at least trying to understand is important too. It's like with Aubrey, kinda. People being crappy and making a whole ton of assumptions.
That's what I'm saying with Garm, though. It's like he's a...ugh, what do you call it? You expect it so of course that's what you get.
[The term he's looking for is "self-fulfilling prophecy".]
Yeah. I... was really mad when those things kept talking shit about her. It's happened to me. Plenty of times, too. It's why I thought... hell, may as well try a hug. 's what mom would do.
[ lol as if eli could summon up the term "self-fulfilling prophecy" so they're both at a loss there ]
Nn. So, what? I try and expect something different? How'd that even work? I dunno if Personas can change or... evolve? Into other things? Not that I think I'd manage it... 'm too wild. Thought losing all the lycanthropy shit would... that it'd make me happy. Just makes me weaker, in the end, so 'm not happy as boring old plain human, either. Not happy as a werewolf. Not happy as anything, I guess.
...Yeah, same. [People talking about him and his parents like they have any idea what life was really like when they were never around... Anyway, he manages a small smile when Eli mentions his mom.] I'm glad your mom has your back, at least.
[It doesn't help here, of course. And that's where the biggest problem lies. He peers over at Eli, thoughtful.]
I dunno if it's something you can change, more like... It's like the whole thing behind those palaces. It's something you gotta come to terms with. Liking yourself, and everything that you are.
Yeah... mom's great... but I was even picking fights with her before, well, all of this...
[ He may be Going Through It, whatever it is. ]
I don't get how to like myself when... when so many other people just... don't. 's like, everyone here is fine? But this isn't home. Y'know, that Maika chick, she's sorta like me? And said I got three choices. Run away... stay and keep fighting everything... or change. What if all I can do is run? In the end? Leave... never go back...
[What a way for Arven to learn that Maika has werewolf stuff going on, apparently.
He frowns at this hypothetical talk.]
That's not gonna make you feel any better though, is it? Changing might feel like crap at first too, 'cause then you gotta force yourself to ignore those people. But there's gotta be better chance of coming out of it happier.
[ Not quite werewolf stuff, but... He won't mention Yuri being a werebear, however. There's probably no secret about being an Arcanwhatsis, though. ]
If there is, I got no idea. I can't even keep a job there, and the fucker in charge of the new ADDF isn't allowing people like me to join, neither, so I can't even... can't even be a proper military bloke. All I do is get too much free time to find trouble...
[Talk about being stuck between a rock and a hard place.]
Well...I've got a thought, but it's not a perfect solution either. [He takes a breath and rests his head on his knees.] What about spending time somewhere else for a while after all this is said and done? You could...I dunno, come see my world. Or someone else's.
[ In his heart of hearts, he would love that, but? Drunk and upset as he is, all he can do is explode at the very thought. ]
What are you, Arven? Stupid?! What would my mom think?! That I ditched her for good?! And what if I flip out and bite people there?! Your world doesn't have anything to handle that! Did you forget what I got is infect... infectious?!
[Arven physically recoils when Eli shouts at him.]
That's- That's not--!
[You know what? If Eli wants to yell, then Arven will yell right back.]
I said it wasn't a perfect solution! I know you've got your mom back home and I know there'd be risks bringing you somewhere else! I'm just trying to help because I care about you, okay?!
[Tears prick at the corners of his visible eye as he starts to shove himself back to his feet. Mabosstiff raises his head, worried.]
But if you'd rather sit there and wallow with your booze and run away from all your problems, then just say it!
[ He's being yelled at, and his immediate reaction is to yell back more. This tends to be the root of most of his problems if we're being honest here. ]
Yeah?! I didn't ask... I didn't ask anyone to care about me! It'll all end the same way!
[ Eli struggles to his feet to follow suit in the whole standing thing, though for him, he staggers over, thumping loudly against the A/C unit, too unsteady at this point to handle so much motion. ]
[Eli falls back down, and all Arven can do is stare at him with a mixture of disbelief and pity for a moment as his anger fizzles out as quickly as it erupted.]
Yeah, well... [He sniffles and rubs at his eyes.] I didn't ask to care about you, but here we are.
[Mabosstiff gets up and pushes his nose into his Trainer's leg.]
'm okay, bud...
[He is not okay and Mabosstiff knows it. Another nudge gets Arven to let out a shaky sigh and sit back down.]
I just... I'm so freakin' scared by the thought of seeing you in the middle of one of those palaces.
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linknet2024-07-25 08:49 pm
after the Braphine summoning
Okay, worry a lot. But he'd never admit it aloud.
Fortunately, he's able to track Eli down with the help of Mabosstiff's trusty nose. The roof isn't where he expected to find him, but at least he's here and...seemingly safe?]
There you are. [Mabosstiff reaches Eli before Arven does, but he's not far behind.] What're you doing up here this late?
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Can't a guy just sit on a fucking roof? I like it up here, okay?
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Well sorry for wanting to make sure my roommate wasn't dead in a ditch somewhere! Couldn't you at least let me know you'd be out late like last time?
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[ His words are a little slurred, and he sounds sniffly for some reason. This is probably fine. ]
'sides, should be happy to have a whole ass night without your stupid, useless roommate... maybe I'll move out and live up here forever instead... no one should have to deal with me, y'know?
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I know you don't owe me anything, I just-
[I just don't want you to be next.
He doesn't get the opportunity to finish that thought before Eli continues, stunning him into silence for a moment.]
What? You might be sloppy and drive me up the wall sometimes, but you're not useless. Where's this self-loathing coming from all of the sudden?
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[ Sniffle, ughhh, no, don't cry again. Think tough thoughts, Eli! Tough thoughts! ]
I should have just let... let someone else do it all. Stayed out of it. Thought I was being clever for once, but nah. Now Argenti's gone... bet Mafuyu hates me... everyone knows I'm a stupid beast...
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[It's a lot to take in at first, but the pieces start coming together. Some serious things happened at that summoning, and...Eli's been crying about it, hasn't he.
Well, for whatever worth it may hold, it doesn't make Arven think less of his roommate. He has plenty of other criticisms, sure, but this isn't one of them.]
Can we sit with you for a while? Or...at least let Mabosstiff stay if you really don't want me here. You just...look like you could use some company, even if you don't think you do.
[That's what he learned about himself back home.]
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[ He cares a lot, and yes, he wants company. He isn't going to acknowledge it, though! ]
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Mabosstiff, you wanna sit with Eli for a while?
[The Pokemon woofs in response, parking himself at Eli's side. Of course he cares about Eli too.
Though Arven makes it seem like he's just going to leave Mabosstiff with Eli and leave, he ends up plopping down on the opposite side of his roommate and gives him a nudge on the shoulder.]
C'mon, talk to me. What happened? You've listened to me talk about my issues. I'll listen to yours.
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[ Which is true, okay?! He's sullenly silent for a moment before breathing out a sigh and setting his bottle aside. He'll lay that hand on Mabosstiff instead. It's generally comforting, just petting a dog. ]
I mean, alla it... pretty much sucks, right? But the whole. [ Vague hand gesture. ] How we get our Persona thing... I... hate being seen that way... as a beast. Some. Some dirty, horrible monster that should just be put down, but if those are based on our natures, and Garm's a dirty... horrible monster...
[ Maybe not dirty, but horrible, perhaps, that much is true from appearances alone. ]
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[But Eli does eventually relent, and Arven listens carefully. So it's like that, huh...
His eyebrows furrow as he draws his legs up and rests his arms on them. He still hasn't been able to make much sense out of his own Persona's connection to his nature, but he doesn't hate Hestia. Eli and Garm, though...he remembers Eli's initial reaction to the hellhound.]
Is that how you get treated back home?
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[ Which is traumatically similar to Izou's problems, but at least Izou got to be human until the end! Fffuck, here comes the tears again. ]
This all just proves it... my nature is nothing but a beast... a fuckin' wolf, a hellhound, whatever. Doesn't fuckin' matter which, the message is clear, y'know? It's not like I haven't tried! Everything was fine until we had to stay in the city! Didn't have to deal with normal humans... staring... refusing to be around me... didn't have to sleep indoors all the time or... or follow all their shitty ass rules...
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I can't begin to imagine the stuff you've gone through back home, or say I understand what it feels like to be in your shoes. [With a deadly condition like lycanthropy.] Heck, I was even one of those same people freaking out when you told me. But it was dumb of me.
[He gives another nudge, gentler this time.]
I don't think you're just a beast. I've only ever known you as Eli- the guy who helped Aubrey get out a deep, dark nightmare. The guy who cares about people. The guy who cares about animals, which is even more important if you ask me.
[It's an attempt to lighten the mood, but he also means it. He was annoyed at how Eli cozied up to Mabosstiff at first because they were butting heads, but as they've spent more time together, he's come to appreciate it. Even if they still butt heads.]
And yeah, I know I haven't seen you transformed. But I think at this point it wouldn't change what I think. Because I know you're more than that. Way more.
As for Garm... [He drums his fingers against his knees.] D'you think he came out of you 'cause of how you're talking right now?
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[ Cue additional ear ruffles for Mabosstiff. ]
They don't care what I am. Well. Mostly. Prey animals freak out a bit. [ Don't Let Him Near Rabbits. ] And, I mean... you all ain't the problem. It's not like everyone back home's at fault for being afraid. I'm... tame, I guess... but others out there would rather run around attacking people, biting them, even eating them...
[ That fear isn't unjustified, generally, but Eli isn't feral. Good luck convincing a regular passerby of that, though. ]
I don't even know what the fuck to think about Garm. I mean, why else would he have come from me? He's a dangerous beast, I'm a dangerous beast... That makes sense, doesn't it?
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Can you blame me? I saw more Pokemon than people growing up.
[But this isn't about him, so he quickly moves on from that.]
I mean, I guess it's natural to be afraid, but having a heart and at least trying to understand is important too. It's like with Aubrey, kinda. People being crappy and making a whole ton of assumptions.
That's what I'm saying with Garm, though. It's like he's a...ugh, what do you call it? You expect it so of course that's what you get.
[The term he's looking for is "self-fulfilling prophecy".]
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Yeah. I... was really mad when those things kept talking shit about her. It's happened to me. Plenty of times, too. It's why I thought... hell, may as well try a hug. 's what mom would do.
[ lol as if eli could summon up the term "self-fulfilling prophecy" so they're both at a loss there ]
Nn. So, what? I try and expect something different? How'd that even work? I dunno if Personas can change or... evolve? Into other things? Not that I think I'd manage it... 'm too wild. Thought losing all the lycanthropy shit would... that it'd make me happy. Just makes me weaker, in the end, so 'm not happy as boring old plain human, either. Not happy as a werewolf. Not happy as anything, I guess.
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[It doesn't help here, of course. And that's where the biggest problem lies. He peers over at Eli, thoughtful.]
I dunno if it's something you can change, more like... It's like the whole thing behind those palaces. It's something you gotta come to terms with. Liking yourself, and everything that you are.
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[ He may be Going Through It, whatever it is. ]
I don't get how to like myself when... when so many other people just... don't. 's like, everyone here is fine? But this isn't home. Y'know, that Maika chick, she's sorta like me? And said I got three choices. Run away... stay and keep fighting everything... or change. What if all I can do is run? In the end? Leave... never go back...
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He frowns at this hypothetical talk.]
That's not gonna make you feel any better though, is it? Changing might feel like crap at first too, 'cause then you gotta force yourself to ignore those people. But there's gotta be better chance of coming out of it happier.
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If there is, I got no idea. I can't even keep a job there, and the fucker in charge of the new ADDF isn't allowing people like me to join, neither, so I can't even... can't even be a proper military bloke. All I do is get too much free time to find trouble...
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Well...I've got a thought, but it's not a perfect solution either. [He takes a breath and rests his head on his knees.] What about spending time somewhere else for a while after all this is said and done? You could...I dunno, come see my world. Or someone else's.
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What are you, Arven? Stupid?! What would my mom think?! That I ditched her for good?! And what if I flip out and bite people there?! Your world doesn't have anything to handle that! Did you forget what I got is infect... infectious?!
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That's- That's not--!
[You know what? If Eli wants to yell, then Arven will yell right back.]
I said it wasn't a perfect solution! I know you've got your mom back home and I know there'd be risks bringing you somewhere else! I'm just trying to help because I care about you, okay?!
[Tears prick at the corners of his visible eye as he starts to shove himself back to his feet. Mabosstiff raises his head, worried.]
But if you'd rather sit there and wallow with your booze and run away from all your problems, then just say it!
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Yeah?! I didn't ask... I didn't ask anyone to care about me! It'll all end the same way!
[ Eli struggles to his feet to follow suit in the whole standing thing, though for him, he staggers over, thumping loudly against the A/C unit, too unsteady at this point to handle so much motion. ]
...urgh, shit.
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Yeah, well... [He sniffles and rubs at his eyes.] I didn't ask to care about you, but here we are.
[Mabosstiff gets up and pushes his nose into his Trainer's leg.]
'm okay, bud...
[He is not okay and Mabosstiff knows it. Another nudge gets Arven to let out a shaky sigh and sit back down.]
I just... I'm so freakin' scared by the thought of seeing you in the middle of one of those palaces.
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