The response to her request to speak more is a long time coming - whether Sayaka believes it's due to scaring off "bento" by going off anon, or it's because of the commotion caused by Izou and McGillis, or if it really just took that long for him to decide whether or not to also go off anon is hard to say. Perhaps it's a little bit of everything, in the end.
Ultimately, he thinks of Mafuyu. How can he reach a caring hand out for one young lady and deny it to another in a parallel situation of her own?
And he thinks of his sire, and how he'd find amusement in him allowing himself to be soft.
[Sayaka isn't sure what to expect after that network message. The kindness she was met with at the end of it all, and the envy she has for Bento--in truth, she doesn't expect anything to come of it. There's a part of her heart that's definitely warmed up to them, but she kind of resigns herself to not being able to speak with them again.
And then a message comes in on her phone, not on that post, and that little emoji--she has to admit, it's--]
Celeste-san!!! Or I guess Bento-san would be more accurate?
I'm glad you decided to contact me. I really am thankful for the advice you've given me, even if it's something I'm still trying to reconcile. I think. It's giving me plenty to think about, for the future and the like but...
I appreciate the kindness you've shown me. And I really do hope to be able to put some of that advice into action. Trying to let myself...be, rather than trying to be the perfect person.
...That being said, I suppose...do you have any questions for me? I asked a lot of you, and it doesn't feel fair to ask for so much without giving something in kind. I have some for you too, but I figured for fairness sake...
Hello Maizono-san I'm recruiting for a street performance We're going to put on a show to try and make the city smile Would you like to join in? I think you're just the person for it!
[Sayaka winds up leaving the message on read for a little while. There's a lot swirling through her mind--she knows Ai is a kind person and a fellow idol, but it's because of that latter point that there's a part of her that hesitates.
It's not even that she dislikes Ai because of that. It's because of her own hangups, and her own lack of practice, and the pit that forms in her stomach because of them. It's anxiety inducing, the idea of performing for people, to do this again--she realizes she might just be overthinking it, really, but...
...]
hi, hoshino-san!! ヾ(≧▽≦*)o
i have to admit i'm a little surprised to be contacted out of the blue, but it sounds like a great idea to help the city get some pep back in it's step!
i'll be honest, i haven't practiced very much lately, and i'm a little worried...do you think i could practice some routines with you sometime beforehand to see if i can get back into it? (╯▽╰ )
i'd love to help, but i don't wanna bring the performance down, you know?
[Ai doesn't need to know how anxious she is of being seen. She doesn't need to know that she doesn't know if it'd be traumatic for her to try again, or if she even wants anything to do with it, but...
She can try. For Ai's sake. Ai deserves someone willing to try, and Sayaka is willing to do that.]
[ Ai reads the message and is reminded of what Kirumi had said about Sayaka having worries on her mind. Would a performance add to her troubles or be good for her, Ai's unsure, but she had promised Kirumi to support her the best she can. ]
Of course! Let's practice together until we feel like we've got this~ I've been trying out new routines and without an instructor its harder than I thought! Plus its a street performance so I wonder if its okay to do things a little different than usual? Since I'm not performing as 'Ai of B-Komachi' but as 'Ai'
[ She's been thinking a lot about the kinds of music and dances she performed as an idol. Should she wear her frilly clothes and sing her love songs on the streets? Why does it not feel quite right? She wishes to consult with a fellow idol... ]
[Sayaka reads the words over, and over, and over again. There's always a part of her that feels like she has to do this, in order to make sure there's no ulterior motives--to make sure that she won't get hurt. It's always at the forefront of her mind, and yet...
For all that Ai has no doubt weathered within the idol world, she's always kept a sense of kindness and genuineness that Sayaka has envied. She sees it in the way she interacts with the world, with the people around them, and just...
It makes her wonder if there may be some good in the idol industry, after all. As much as Sayaka doesn't ever want to think about it.]
i like the idea of that!! q(≧▽≦q)
all of it, actually. i think it'd be nice to perform without being beheld to all of the rigorous preparation, and it'd be nice to perform some songs that nobody might expect too!
but i think it would be very nice! ^^ when do you want me to swing on by?? i've gotta get some workout clothes but i can be there in as soon as you'd like!! ╰(*°▽°*)╯
You can come anytime! My schedule's a lot freer than it was when I was working as an idol Asahina-san shared a song with me we could sing It's... well, it's different I'll forward it to you and you can let me know what you think! Hehe, I'm excited!☆
[ And she forward the songs and clips from Mafuyu. ]
okay!!! i'll come over sometime this afternoon then! (ﾉ*ФωФ)ﾉ i'll give everything a review and be nice and ready~
[Thankfully, Sayaka will settle on a nice, punctual time--it's enough time to get some cute, casual workout clothes she won't actually miss, along with making sure to review everything that Mafuyu has sent eagerly.
It's a very different song. Sayaka could hear her managers chiding her for this now--it's too independent, it's too much of a subversive theme, and wouldn't she rather just like to sing about being in love? Being cute and what's expected?
But no. Sayaka listens, using her time wisely to memorize this song and wondering--what sort of dance could go along with it? The possibilities are endless, but Sayaka knows it should be something that comes from the heart? But what? What could a heartless girl like her ever do--
She manages to get to where they'll meet, and waves Ai down.]
[ joshua would never usually do this, but thanks to braphine's gift this week and their one (1) shared experience in kirumi's palace, sayaka will be getting this text: ]
[Sayaka had been perfectly content to leave the people who wished to stay anonymous be; they likely had things that they wanted to keep to themselves, and really, who could blame them? Many of them posted their deepest secrets on there, and Sayaka outright felt like it'd defeat the point of being honest and learning about people if she asked them to do so. So she's mostly left it alone. Not that the people on there didn't interest her, in a way...
Still, Sayaka's a little surprised to get a candid message from someone she recognizes, and she pauses a bit. His story...it was an interesting one to be sure, and the person there reminded Sayaka of herself in some ways. Well.
She's interested in seeing how this goes.]
I wasn't expecting you to ever come off anon; it's not a bad thing, but it is a pleasure to finally meet you. You were rather interesting to talk to, after all.
Sure, they managed to save Kirumi (the girl who was once Kirumi?) but it was a hard-fought battle. Not all victories are good ones, and though this was a victory, the loss of the girl's identity is a huge blow. Not just to her, either, as Fray can't stop thinking about his own connections to such a thing. After all, he scarcely had an identity at all when he arrived here. What would it be like to go back to that, after you thought you were growing and learning as someone else?
He's been wrapped up in his own head for awhile, flopped on his bed and staring at the ceiling. It would be a lie to say he's been waiting for Sayaka to return, but he has been subconsciously waiting for the door to open. There's much they should discuss, though maybe tonight isn't the time for it. Maybe she doesn't want to think about her own potential connection to that stupid bear and its stupid games.
But when another hour rolls by with no word from her, Fray finally pulls himself upright and locates his phone, sending off a message.]
Where are you? We don't need to talk if you don't want to, but I am coming to join you.
[He doesn't like the idea of her being out and about alone right now. Not that he thinks Sayaka will get into trouble or anything of the sort, but after all of this? Being alone seems like a bad idea.
[To say that Sayaka's taken the day's revelations poorly is an understatement.
In all honestly, the realization of everything hits her as soon as they leave--there's a part of her that can't possibly accept that this has all been fabricated. Her entire life, her hopes, her dreams, her entire reason for being and her motivations--she can't accept that it was a lie. It was such a vivid life that she remembers so clearly, so there must have been some truth there. There has to be. There has to be, or else it was--
It's rattling Sayaka harder than she's willing to admit. Once they're all separated, it's easy to tell everyone that she needs some air and she'll catch up with them in a while and separate, but it's not long after that she finds herself at the docks again, sitting at that bench that she'd once written an awful post on and finding herself unable to do much of anything at all.
Hours pass. It feels like them, at least. It's honestly the gentle chime of her phone that gets her to startle, and she's thankful nobody can see it right now. And she feels guilty when she sees it's from Fray.
...She can't imagine that he's doing much better with any of this, and there's a part of her mind gnawing at her. She should be there for him, she should at least have gone home--she's gotten so distracted and the idea of letting anyone else see her fills her with dread at questions she'll have to answer. But...]
sorry about that fray i lost track of time. i'm over at the docks on the bench but it's quiet now. i'll be by the water. and i wouldn't mind talking. i'd like to if it's okay.
[She needs to talk to someone, whether she wants to acknowledge it or not. She needs someone, she just kind of wants the unending static in her mind to stop and he's always been good at helping dispel it.
[And sure enough, Fray wastes no time in finding her. He's brought the sword with him, but left the helmet behind; he didn't bother to take off the armor, so that's still here too. Just in case, of course.
Fray joins Sayaka on the bench, his only greeting a silent hand held up as he approached. Truthfully, he's not sure what to say or how he should start this off. V'rhas would have had the right words, wouldn't he?]
...I'm sorry for how difficult today was. For the both of you.
[You'd have to be blind to miss how much Sayaka was hurting through all of this as well. It may not have been her palace, but it was a cruel reminder of what she's been through as well.
(Or at least what she thinks she's been through.)]
[Sayaka's so thankful she has Fray to rely on, despite the guilt she feels at a man who's likely hurting just as much from this himself. She doesn't move to the water like she said she would; that'd involve moving, and moving when there's nothing but a pervasive static blasting in your brain isn't productive to it.
When she turns to Fray, it's clear her eyes are red and puffy from what's probably been an extended crying fit, though her expression is sort of blank now. Like she doesn't know what to do, especially when her masks are shattered and there's nothing left to hide behind.]
...It feels selfish to hurt like this, when Kirumi was the one hurt so much by this. When...I can only imagine you were too, right?
[It comes out before she can stop it, and she'll scooch over to offer Fray some room. Sit for a bit.
...The second he does and if he does, she's immediately going to lean on him and shudder a bit. The contact is needed but she doesn't immediately launch into a hug or anything. She really just doesn't have the energy. Despite it, her next words come out almost shuddering.]
I don't know how to feel. Everything about this, it...I think I finally get why there was so much fog at the start, for her, because that feels like all I've been trudging through. Is it the same for you?
[Sayaka leans against him and Fray considers gently patting her on the head. That seems like it might be an appropriate response?? Hells if he knows how physical affection works. The only thing that stays his hand is the fact that he's wearing his clawed gauntlets, so Sayaka has been spared that social ineptitude.
Her words are understandable, of course. They're along the lines of what he's been thinking since returning. It feels selfish to be in pain when Kirumi is hurting more. But that...]
Even if it is selfish, there's nothing wrong with taking time for yourself. You can only be there for others once you have sorted yourself out.
[...Ah, but what a silly thing to say when he hasn't battled his own demons and certainly hasn't figured himself out. Regardless, he wants to be here for Sayaka, so he pushes that self-doubt and uncertainty to the back corner of his mind where maybe he'll remember to look at it later.
(Or more accurately, go back to ignoring it.)]
It... Yes. It was like that at first.
[But Sayaka continues and suddenly, it's as if the floodgates have been opened.]
I never had to be my own person. Why would I, when I am merely an extension of V'rhas? Being brought here with so little experience of my own, it was like stumbling through the fog, trying to find my way. How could I hope to be anyone - "Fray Myste" or otherwise - when I wasn't a person to begin with?
But... it doesn't feel like that anymore. There are times when I doubt myself. When I stumble. But I have found a path forward. All that remains is to walk it.
[Something so easily said, but so much more difficult to do in practice. Though he believes the words wholeheartedly, Fray can't help but feel like this isn't enough. That it won't really settle her; that it won't really put Sayaka at ease. More than anything, he just wants to make sure she focuses on herself now.
So perhaps it isn't fair, but he presses onwards.]
Tell me about the fog you face now. I'm here to listen, as always.
[They're bold words coming from him, but Sayaka doesn't call him on it. How can she, when she's spent so long doing the same thing? Burning herself at both ends to help others, when she got so easily called on it by others.
Including Kirumi. Kirumi, who made it clear that she couldn't approve of Sayaka taking the world on herself. Kirumi, who wanted to help her find something else she was good at. Kirumi, who doesn't exist anymore.
Listening to Fray makes it easier to try and process, because his own emotions are easier. It gets her to at least move her hand, the movement shaky, before placing it against his. He's not alone. He's not alone. She doesn't even seem to register or care about the pointed parts of the gauntlets or anything, given how she holds on.]
...You've fought so hard for your own individuality here. It's a path you've cleaved through and cut through with your own hands. You've fought so hard and you really have come out of it a strong person, Fray.
[But of course he won't let her get away that easy, and he can probably feel Sayaka shudder a bit as she tries to put it all to words.]
It feels like everything I fought so long and hard for was for nothing. If...if it wasn't real, what did I even try to connect to everyone here with? A lie? A stupid lie that someone fabricated because I apparently wanted to join that game?
[It comes out desperate, like a cry, a horrible cry.]
I keep trying to process it all in some way, the idea of it all. Every time I do my brain keeps trying to reject it, saying that it can't be fake because it's so vivid. But then the doubt creeps in and it's just...it feels like I'm at war with myself again, when I spent so much time trying to break free from it all. Accept it as a part of myself. And if it's all just a lie, then...
...I-I don't know. I don't. I don't know. This should be so easy because I've been wanting to...sever some parts of myself already and accept that they've played their part, but I don't know what to do at this point.
...I think that really sums it up in the end, that I don't know. Everything we found out about her, it's making my head spin. I...
Maybe it's just something I've learned from an industry that I can't even be sure I was genuinely a part of now. It feels like it's taking from her, to feel something about it.
You do seem very upset. But I think it’s understandable that you are.
It’s never easy to have your life ripped out of you. And it happened twice to her. But you would understand that too, right? Because of what your managers did to you.
Do you want to meet me by the docks, or should I come back and see you?
[She. Physically cannot get herself to address that next part because ahahaha. Oh her mind is a mess when she tries to put two and two together, this is. The easier part.]
[ A package has been left outside the door, addressed to Sayaka. It is a sword and an accompanying sheathe wrapped in a cloth as a bundle. On the blade, if Sayaka squints, there is an inscription: "Nosce te ipsum". ]
The inch above the handguard is unsharpened and can be used for increased grips for thrusts, should you need it.
[Sayaka's room has felt lonely for quite a bit since Fray's disappeared, but she ends up smiling when she sees the sword from Sunrise. It's weight feels comforting; she ends up taking it back to her room and sort of tries it on like a girl would try a new accessory, and...
It's perfect. It's something Sayaka will cherish deeply.
She'll send Sunrise a text, a while after.]
Thank you. I can't wait to put it to good use and take care of it; you have my most sincere thanks. (❤️´艸｀❤️)
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week 4, post-meeting @Tenn
2/2! @harlequin
[To hell with it, indeed.
The response to her request to speak more is a long time coming - whether Sayaka believes it's due to scaring off "bento" by going off anon, or it's because of the commotion caused by Izou and McGillis, or if it really just took that long for him to decide whether or not to also go off anon is hard to say. Perhaps it's a little bit of everything, in the end.
Ultimately, he thinks of Mafuyu. How can he reach a caring hand out for one young lady and deny it to another in a parallel situation of her own?
And he thinks of his sire, and how he'd find amusement in him allowing himself to be soft.
So be it.]
🍱
no subject
And then a message comes in on her phone, not on that post, and that little emoji--she has to admit, it's--]
Celeste-san!!! Or I guess Bento-san would be more accurate?
I'm glad you decided to contact me. I really am thankful for the advice you've given me, even if it's something I'm still trying to reconcile. I think. It's giving me plenty to think about, for the future and the like but...
I appreciate the kindness you've shown me. And I really do hope to be able to put some of that advice into action. Trying to let myself...be, rather than trying to be the perfect person.
...That being said, I suppose...do you have any questions for me? I asked a lot of you, and it doesn't feel fair to ask for so much without giving something in kind. I have some for you too, but I figured for fairness sake...
@hoshi, backdated?
I'm recruiting for a street performance
We're going to put on a show to try and make the city smile
Would you like to join in? I think you're just the person for it!
backdated is fine!
It's not even that she dislikes Ai because of that. It's because of her own hangups, and her own lack of practice, and the pit that forms in her stomach because of them. It's anxiety inducing, the idea of performing for people, to do this again--she realizes she might just be overthinking it, really, but...
...]
hi, hoshino-san!! ヾ(≧▽≦*)o
i have to admit i'm a little surprised to be contacted out of the blue, but it sounds like a great idea to help the city get some pep back in it's step!
i'll be honest, i haven't practiced very much lately, and i'm a little worried...do you think i could practice some routines with you sometime beforehand to see if i can get back into it? (╯▽╰ )
i'd love to help, but i don't wanna bring the performance down, you know?
[Ai doesn't need to know how anxious she is of being seen. She doesn't need to know that she doesn't know if it'd be traumatic for her to try again, or if she even wants anything to do with it, but...
She can try. For Ai's sake. Ai deserves someone willing to try, and Sayaka is willing to do that.]
no subject
Of course! Let's practice together until we feel like we've got this~
I've been trying out new routines and without an instructor its harder than I thought!
Plus its a street performance so I wonder if its okay to do things a little different than usual?
Since I'm not performing as 'Ai of B-Komachi' but as 'Ai'
[ She's been thinking a lot about the kinds of music and dances she performed as an idol. Should she wear her frilly clothes and sing her love songs on the streets? Why does it not feel quite right? She wishes to consult with a fellow idol... ]
no subject
For all that Ai has no doubt weathered within the idol world, she's always kept a sense of kindness and genuineness that Sayaka has envied. She sees it in the way she interacts with the world, with the people around them, and just...
It makes her wonder if there may be some good in the idol industry, after all. As much as Sayaka doesn't ever want to think about it.]
i like the idea of that!! q(≧▽≦q)
all of it, actually. i think it'd be nice to perform without being beheld to all of the rigorous preparation, and it'd be nice to perform some songs that nobody might expect too!
but i think it would be very nice! ^^ when do you want me to swing on by?? i've gotta get some workout clothes but i can be there in as soon as you'd like!! ╰(*°▽°*)╯
no subject
Asahina-san shared a song with me we could sing
It's... well, it's different
I'll forward it to you and you can let me know what you think!
Hehe, I'm excited!☆
[ And she forward the songs and clips from Mafuyu. ]
no subject
i'll give everything a review and be nice and ready~
[Thankfully, Sayaka will settle on a nice, punctual time--it's enough time to get some cute, casual workout clothes she won't actually miss, along with making sure to review everything that Mafuyu has sent eagerly.
It's a very different song. Sayaka could hear her managers chiding her for this now--it's too independent, it's too much of a subversive theme, and wouldn't she rather just like to sing about being in love? Being cute and what's expected?
But no. Sayaka listens, using her time wisely to memorize this song and wondering--what sort of dance could go along with it? The possibilities are endless, but Sayaka knows it should be something that comes from the heart? But what? What could a heartless girl like her ever do--
She manages to get to where they'll meet, and waves Ai down.]
Hoshino-san! Hey! I'm not late, am I?
[...She's quite punctual, actually--]
(no subject)
(no subject)
post kirumi palace and the reveal because we are getting this cr!!!
i was star.
HELL YEAH WE ARE also sorry for the delay!!!
Still, Sayaka's a little surprised to get a candid message from someone she recognizes, and she pauses a bit. His story...it was an interesting one to be sure, and the person there reminded Sayaka of herself in some ways. Well.
She's interested in seeing how this goes.]
I wasn't expecting you to ever come off anon; it's not a bad thing, but it is a pleasure to finally meet you. You were rather interesting to talk to, after all.
post-kirumi palace
Sure, they managed to save Kirumi (the girl who was once Kirumi?) but it was a hard-fought battle. Not all victories are good ones, and though this was a victory, the loss of the girl's identity is a huge blow. Not just to her, either, as Fray can't stop thinking about his own connections to such a thing. After all, he scarcely had an identity at all when he arrived here. What would it be like to go back to that, after you thought you were growing and learning as someone else?
He's been wrapped up in his own head for awhile, flopped on his bed and staring at the ceiling. It would be a lie to say he's been waiting for Sayaka to return, but he has been subconsciously waiting for the door to open. There's much they should discuss, though maybe tonight isn't the time for it. Maybe she doesn't want to think about her own potential connection to that stupid bear and its stupid games.
But when another hour rolls by with no word from her, Fray finally pulls himself upright and locates his phone, sending off a message.]
Where are you?
We don't need to talk if you don't want to, but I am coming to join you.
[He doesn't like the idea of her being out and about alone right now. Not that he thinks Sayaka will get into trouble or anything of the sort, but after all of this? Being alone seems like a bad idea.
...Maybe even for both of them.]
no subject
In all honestly, the realization of everything hits her as soon as they leave--there's a part of her that can't possibly accept that this has all been fabricated. Her entire life, her hopes, her dreams, her entire reason for being and her motivations--she can't accept that it was a lie. It was such a vivid life that she remembers so clearly, so there must have been some truth there. There has to be. There has to be, or else it was--
It's rattling Sayaka harder than she's willing to admit. Once they're all separated, it's easy to tell everyone that she needs some air and she'll catch up with them in a while and separate, but it's not long after that she finds herself at the docks again, sitting at that bench that she'd once written an awful post on and finding herself unable to do much of anything at all.
Hours pass. It feels like them, at least. It's honestly the gentle chime of her phone that gets her to startle, and she's thankful nobody can see it right now. And she feels guilty when she sees it's from Fray.
...She can't imagine that he's doing much better with any of this, and there's a part of her mind gnawing at her. She should be there for him, she should at least have gone home--she's gotten so distracted and the idea of letting anyone else see her fills her with dread at questions she'll have to answer. But...]
sorry about that fray i lost track of time.
i'm over at the docks on the bench but it's quiet now.
i'll be by the water.
and i wouldn't mind talking.
i'd like to if it's okay.
[She needs to talk to someone, whether she wants to acknowledge it or not. She needs someone, she just kind of wants the unending static in her mind to stop and he's always been good at helping dispel it.
Sayaka will await him.]
no subject
I'll be by shortly.
[And sure enough, Fray wastes no time in finding her. He's brought the sword with him, but left the helmet behind; he didn't bother to take off the armor, so that's still here too. Just in case, of course.
Fray joins Sayaka on the bench, his only greeting a silent hand held up as he approached. Truthfully, he's not sure what to say or how he should start this off. V'rhas would have had the right words, wouldn't he?]
...I'm sorry for how difficult today was. For the both of you.
[You'd have to be blind to miss how much Sayaka was hurting through all of this as well. It may not have been her palace, but it was a cruel reminder of what she's been through as well.
(Or at least what she thinks she's been through.)]
no subject
When she turns to Fray, it's clear her eyes are red and puffy from what's probably been an extended crying fit, though her expression is sort of blank now. Like she doesn't know what to do, especially when her masks are shattered and there's nothing left to hide behind.]
...It feels selfish to hurt like this, when Kirumi was the one hurt so much by this. When...I can only imagine you were too, right?
[It comes out before she can stop it, and she'll scooch over to offer Fray some room. Sit for a bit.
...The second he does and if he does, she's immediately going to lean on him and shudder a bit. The contact is needed but she doesn't immediately launch into a hug or anything. She really just doesn't have the energy. Despite it, her next words come out almost shuddering.]
I don't know how to feel. Everything about this, it...I think I finally get why there was so much fog at the start, for her, because that feels like all I've been trudging through. Is it the same for you?
no subject
Her words are understandable, of course. They're along the lines of what he's been thinking since returning. It feels selfish to be in pain when Kirumi is hurting more. But that...]
Even if it is selfish, there's nothing wrong with taking time for yourself. You can only be there for others once you have sorted yourself out.
[...Ah, but what a silly thing to say when he hasn't battled his own demons and certainly hasn't figured himself out. Regardless, he wants to be here for Sayaka, so he pushes that self-doubt and uncertainty to the back corner of his mind where maybe he'll remember to look at it later.
(Or more accurately, go back to ignoring it.)]
It... Yes. It was like that at first.
[But Sayaka continues and suddenly, it's as if the floodgates have been opened.]
I never had to be my own person. Why would I, when I am merely an extension of V'rhas? Being brought here with so little experience of my own, it was like stumbling through the fog, trying to find my way. How could I hope to be anyone - "Fray Myste" or otherwise - when I wasn't a person to begin with?
But... it doesn't feel like that anymore. There are times when I doubt myself. When I stumble. But I have found a path forward. All that remains is to walk it.
[Something so easily said, but so much more difficult to do in practice. Though he believes the words wholeheartedly, Fray can't help but feel like this isn't enough. That it won't really settle her; that it won't really put Sayaka at ease. More than anything, he just wants to make sure she focuses on herself now.
So perhaps it isn't fair, but he presses onwards.]
Tell me about the fog you face now. I'm here to listen, as always.
no subject
Including Kirumi. Kirumi, who made it clear that she couldn't approve of Sayaka taking the world on herself. Kirumi, who wanted to help her find something else she was good at. Kirumi, who doesn't exist anymore.
Listening to Fray makes it easier to try and process, because his own emotions are easier. It gets her to at least move her hand, the movement shaky, before placing it against his. He's not alone. He's not alone. She doesn't even seem to register or care about the pointed parts of the gauntlets or anything, given how she holds on.]
...You've fought so hard for your own individuality here. It's a path you've cleaved through and cut through with your own hands. You've fought so hard and you really have come out of it a strong person, Fray.
[But of course he won't let her get away that easy, and he can probably feel Sayaka shudder a bit as she tries to put it all to words.]
It feels like everything I fought so long and hard for was for nothing. If...if it wasn't real, what did I even try to connect to everyone here with? A lie? A stupid lie that someone fabricated because I apparently wanted to join that game?
[It comes out desperate, like a cry, a horrible cry.]
I keep trying to process it all in some way, the idea of it all. Every time I do my brain keeps trying to reject it, saying that it can't be fake because it's so vivid. But then the doubt creeps in and it's just...it feels like I'm at war with myself again, when I spent so much time trying to break free from it all. Accept it as a part of myself. And if it's all just a lie, then...
...I-I don't know. I don't. I don't know. This should be so easy because I've been wanting to...sever some parts of myself already and accept that they've played their part, but I don't know what to do at this point.
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after kirumi's palace
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I haven't eaten yet, no. I was going to wait until I got back later, honestly, but
[The first part sends and the second part...takes a bit. Several minutes. Maybe even twenty.]
...Honestly, I don't know how I feel right now. It feels selfish to be affected so badly by what happened, and yet, here I am...
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It was a pretty hard thing to see.
And you knew that bear too. So this was personal for you.
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...I think that really sums it up in the end, that I don't know. Everything we found out about her, it's making my head spin. I...
Maybe it's just something I've learned from an industry that I can't even be sure I was genuinely a part of now. It feels like it's taking from her, to feel something about it.
I don't know. I'm probably not making any sense.
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It’s never easy to have your life ripped out of you. And it happened twice to her. But you would understand that too, right? Because of what your managers did to you.
Let me bring some tea.
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[She. Physically cannot get herself to address that next part because ahahaha. Oh her mind is a mess when she tries to put two and two together, this is. The easier part.]
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1/2
2/2
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Pre-Fray's palace
The inch above the handguard is unsharpened and can be used for increased grips for thrusts, should you need it.
May your training go well.
-Still Sunrise.
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It's perfect. It's something Sayaka will cherish deeply.
She'll send Sunrise a text, a while after.]
Thank you. I can't wait to put it to good use and take care of it; you have my most sincere thanks. (❤️´艸｀❤️)