[ Just knowing that there is an army of other Argentis out there in the universe is enough to give Maika goosebumps, thanks! But she wrinkles her nose a tiny bit for the teasing. ]
When he said he killed a man and a bunch of people jumped up to cheer about it. He's just too stupid to know that he has one now.
[ Okay, okay. Maika can stop being mean about Argenti for a moment and focus on what's important. She flops back down by the table with a huff. ]
...Mina told me that some of them fell into comas. Something about their connection with the goddess being severed. Maybe, if we can fix this place, we'll fix them too. Or maybe they were just lucky enough to find a way back already.
[ That makes her smile. She wouldn't call Argenti stupid like Maika is eager to do, but perhaps a bit oblivious...? Then again, he did face a lot of criticism, so maybe his supporters in that meeting were drowned out by all the dissenters. It's hard to say. ]
I'd like to fix them if we can. Tenn and Ukyo are part of 'em, I'm sure.
[ Since she hasn't seen either of them in, well, a while. ]
I really liked them both, so... I wanna do whatever I can. The least we can do for all of those people is keep them in our thoughts as we move forward. As we try to save this city, I'm sure we'll find information on how to save them too.
[ Mina had no reason to hide another body from her, as far as she knows. She watches Aerith's expression, just skirting melancholy, and fiddles absentmindedly with her cup of tea. ]
We've all barely known each other a few weeks. The townspeople too. What do you think you owe these people anyway?
[ She half understands, from Kippa. But it's something she doesn't have the nature to fully grasp, yet can't help but reach for. ]
The kindness that they showed me. I should repay it back to them, in some way.
[ And really, maybe she doesn't owe them anything at all, but she can't help but want to do good by them anyway. ]
I told Ukyo I didn't like the sky here, so he offered to take a few pictures of it in the hopes that seeing it through his eyes would make me like it more. I can't just forget something nice like that.
[ True and not true. When they're all alone and frightened and tired, every kindness costs — and each of them is precious. Maika draws her legs up towards her chest, a little defensively. It's a little softer when she speaks again. ]
...Did he show you? What was his sky like?
[ What was yours, is what she wants to ask, and can't quite yet. ]
What's funny is that I didn't get to see it before he disappeared. We showed me the process of developing a picture, but I never saw the finished product.
[ She stares down at the cup of tea in her hands, the steam still rising up out of it. ]
Isn't it kind of funny that I never got to see it?
[ Maika hesitates, legs tensed for a moment before she pushes herself to her feet. It's not far to the bed. She plops herself down on the edge of it, looking out into the room instead of at Aerith, but close to hand. ]
It's not funny at all. You don't have to try to laugh at your regrets.
[ If this were Kippa, she'd pull the blanket up over her head now to give her a little shield from the world. But Maika has no idea how to be reassuring to anyone over the age of eight. ]
...When we fix this place and bring back the others, make him show you then. He'll owe you a mountain of pictures for all that work.
[ Even she gets it right sometimes, huh? She looks a tiny bit surprised before she nudges back, too careful. Sure, most of her strength is gone here. But if she'd taken a little more care before, then maybe... ]
He got himself into that bullshit, like the rest of us. So I'm not letting you off the hook. I won't let either of you rest till you ask him.
[ She'll make Aerith be meaner! It's practically her specialty. ]
I can bite too, y'know. But just because I can doesn't mean I don't wanna try to understand someone else. I should at least hear them out if they give me good enough reason to.
[ Aerith brings the cup down closer to her lap, turning to look at Maika's face. ]
If there's one thing I won't do, it's letting someone walk all over me.
And when just hearing them out gives them enough opening to pull a weapon on you?
[ But it's not like Aerith hadn't already qualified her observation. Maika can see in her a flicker of what Kippa might grow into. But she's never known an adult like that, really — maybe they just can't survive, where she's from. She glances back to meet Aerith's eyes. ]
...Never mind. You're soft. But you're not as naive as you look, either.
I like to think I’ve got just the right amount of softness.
[ She bumps up against Maika again, soft and teasing. ]
Where I’m from… it’s not exactly sunshine and rainbows. I’ve done plenty of fighting myself, even if I don’t look like I have. If someone pulled a weapon on me, I think I could manage.
[ She bumps Aerith back, leaning against her for just a moment while she hunts for words. How to explain that Aerith is soft in the same way Corvin, a veteran of two wars with no shortage of blood and betrayals on his hands, is? ]
...It's believing that your life matters more than anyone else who might have to die for you to keep existing. Putting yourself first no matter what the cost is. That's what I don't believe you could do.
Anyone ever tell you that you're good at figuring people out?
[ Because she managed to figure that out about Aerith with no issue, and honestly? She's surprised and just a little bit impressed. ]
If I can do something to save a bunch of people, even if it's really dangerous... I'll do it. I won't even think twice about it either.
[ She has a feeling Maika wouldn't like that, so she continues. May as well get it over with in one fell swoop, huh? ]
For example, the planet is dying back home. As the last Cetra, it's kind of my duty to do whatever I can to save it, even if that means fighting till the bitter end.
[ Maika shrugs awkwardly, glancing down at her knees again. Does she want praise for that? ]
I'm not someone who can afford to be taken by surprise. And it's not hard. People like you, who can't stop seeing others as people before they see them as threats or obstacles...
[ They're always like that. To learn to be selfish, you have to learn how to see the opponent as a parameter and not a person. And that's what Aerith doesn't seem capable of.
Maika's jaw tightens a little at the answer. She doesn't like it — and she's not surprised by it. How many times has she heard variations on that refrain? "We have to help them, Miss." "They're just scared." "Will you help our people?" ]
Why is it your duty? It didn't get there on its own. You aren't the last of your people by coincidence. So what are you fighting for?
[ So that's the kind of world Maika lives in, is it? The kind where she has to perceive a threat above anything else just to ensure that she can keep carrying on.
Hm.
It stirs emotions in her that she's not quite sure how to process, but at least she is sure of her answer to that question. ]
For the people I care about. The ones that have made everything bad that I've been through worth it, just because I get to be with them. I'm doing this for them, so that they can keep smiling.
Maybe that does make me weak, but I love my friends too much to let them get hurt if there's anything I can do about it. Even if it hurts me in the end.
[ Shit. Aerith would find exactly the one gap in her armor, the one argument she can't counter. And Aerith says she's good at figuring people out? Maika is quiet for a moment as she lets the words sink in.
It's hard, not to think of all the people who aren't here. ]
I was taught that way. Love is a weakness, and fear that you can't make into a weapon is an indulgence. Even good people will tell you that -- because what's "right" is being ready to sacrifice the few to save the many, if you have to.
[ That's what "duty" is, isn't it? That abnegation of self to become a symbol. People whose souls aren't even occupied by anything else, letting themselves be eaten anyway. ]
Fuck them, though. What's worth fighting for is whatever makes it worth it for you to wake up in the morning. Just don't forget how much those friends will bitch you out if you let yourself get hurt doing it.
[ She takes another sip of her tea, its warmth blossoming out in her chest and flowing through her very veins. Combined with the warmth of Maika at her side, she feels a lot less like she's got a cloud of gloom hanging over her, even if this conversation isn't exactly full of sunshine and rainbows. ]
Oh, they will, that's for sure.
[ Aerith glances at Maika, a small smile on her lips, though it's full of resolve. ]
But they know me well enough by now to understand where I'm coming from. I'm no hero or anything, but they fill me with a strength that makes me feel like I can do anything. If I don't do anything good with that feeling, then what's it all for?
[ She knows how that sounds, though, like she's resigned to her death, but... ]
I'm not worried about getting too hurt, though. They'll protect me. If anyone's got my back, I know they do.
[ To face scary things with confidence, that's what friends are for. That's what the important people in your life are for. They carry you through it. It seems like Maika understands that much, despite the harsh ideals she grew up under, so Aerith can't help but wonder: ]
No, you're something a lot more dangerous than a hero. A good person.
[ Maika's brow crimps for a moment in wry amusement. She wonders if Aerith's right — if those friends will protect her, or if they even can. But what else have they got? Not fighting? Maika can't imagine a world like that, either. ]
You'd better be right about that. At least your collecting military men might be good for something.
[ Yeah, she hadn't forgotten that. She never forgets a weakness. But the momentary levity slips from her face at the question, and she shoots a quick sidelong look at Aerith. It could almost be a rhetorical question, except for the listening quality to Aerith's silences, waiting and curious. Maika feels her throat tighten a little at the speed with which the answer fills her mind. ]
Some idiots too fucking stupid to even give up on me. [ And after a heartbeat of hesitation, a little more quietly: ] Her name is Kippa.
[ A good person, huh... Aerith doesn't know about that, but is Maika really someone she can argue with over things like that? She's got a feeling that Maika won't take any protestations from her on that point.
Besides, she feels called out!! But Maika isn't wrong, either. She knows Cloud will protect her, should he ever have to, even in spite of all of his issues. If Maika's demeanor hadn't shifted to something so serious, Aerith would have half a mind to playfully shove her. ]
Kippa.
[ She repeats the name, if only because it makes Kippa feel more real to her. ]
Wanna tell me about her?
[ If so, Aerith would like to hear it. But that slight hint of hesitation on Maika's behalf means Aerith also doesn't mind giving her an out either. ]
[ It's funny to think she hasn't mentioned her to anyone here — anything precious to her, actually. It's easy to talk about all the bad shit in the world she left behind. A lot harder to touch those memories that make her hate being here just a little bit.
But at the same time, she wants to. At least with Aerith. It feels like writing in the journal, like refusing to let herself forget what keeps her moving forward. ]
She's a stupid little fox child. [ And with another flicker of a glance towards Aerith, considering what she mentioned before: ] She got herself sold to the same Cumaean lab I was breaking into to murder some witches. She was almost as scared of me as she was of them, at first. Now I can't seem to get rid of her.
[ Which explains Kippa, but doesn't explain Kippa at all. Maika heaves a sigh, exasperated. ]
No matter what shit goes wrong, she believes in sunshine and fairy tales. That people can understand each other, that you can save something if you fight hard enough. That you can forgive people and they'll do better. That kindness matters.
[ She laughs softly, but she's sure Maika isn't surprised by that one bit. Of course Aerith would like a girl described as someone who believes in kindness. ]
I get the feeling that you don't exactly mind that you can't get rid of her.
[ And idly, in the back of her mind, she wonders if Maika wouldn't mind if she couldn't get rid of Aerith either. Rough and jagged around the edges, Aerith thinks that Maika is the kind of person who still wants to believe in kindness, despite everything that's told her not to. That kind of person... it's hard for Aerith not to feel a touch of fondness already. ]
[ She tries to make that sound like a complaint. But considering she just all but admitted to Kippa being her reason to keep going, it probably falls a little flat. Maika heaves a sigh of annoyance(?) and flings herself back on the bed to stare up at the underside of the bunk instead. ]
When she gets herself killed running after me, I'm going to tell her "I told you so." [ Maika being Maika, that might even be true. But a little softer: ] ...She keeps me from forgetting things. Forgetting myself.
[ Things she never really believed in, but wanted to. The child who told her auntie that she hated fighting. She thinks if she told Aerith that, she'd understand; that, more than anything, is incentive to change the subject again. It feels like she understands too much already. ]
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bloodandstars) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
linknet2024-07-26 02:53 pm
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When he said he killed a man and a bunch of people jumped up to cheer about it. He's just too stupid to know that he has one now.
[ Okay, okay. Maika can stop being mean about Argenti for a moment and focus on what's important. She flops back down by the table with a huff. ]
...Mina told me that some of them fell into comas. Something about their connection with the goddess being severed. Maybe, if we can fix this place, we'll fix them too. Or maybe they were just lucky enough to find a way back already.
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I'd like to fix them if we can. Tenn and Ukyo are part of 'em, I'm sure.
[ Since she hasn't seen either of them in, well, a while. ]
I really liked them both, so... I wanna do whatever I can. The least we can do for all of those people is keep them in our thoughts as we move forward. As we try to save this city, I'm sure we'll find information on how to save them too.
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[ Mina had no reason to hide another body from her, as far as she knows. She watches Aerith's expression, just skirting melancholy, and fiddles absentmindedly with her cup of tea. ]
We've all barely known each other a few weeks. The townspeople too. What do you think you owe these people anyway?
[ She half understands, from Kippa. But it's something she doesn't have the nature to fully grasp, yet can't help but reach for. ]
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[ And really, maybe she doesn't owe them anything at all, but she can't help but want to do good by them anyway. ]
I told Ukyo I didn't like the sky here, so he offered to take a few pictures of it in the hopes that seeing it through his eyes would make me like it more. I can't just forget something nice like that.
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[ True and not true. When they're all alone and frightened and tired, every kindness costs — and each of them is precious. Maika draws her legs up towards her chest, a little defensively. It's a little softer when she speaks again. ]
...Did he show you? What was his sky like?
[ What was yours, is what she wants to ask, and can't quite yet. ]
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[ She stares down at the cup of tea in her hands, the steam still rising up out of it. ]
Isn't it kind of funny that I never got to see it?
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It's not funny at all. You don't have to try to laugh at your regrets.
[ If this were Kippa, she'd pull the blanket up over her head now to give her a little shield from the world. But Maika has no idea how to be reassuring to anyone over the age of eight. ]
...When we fix this place and bring back the others, make him show you then. He'll owe you a mountain of pictures for all that work.
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You'll hold me to that, won't you? I might feel so bad for him being caught up in this coma mess that I decide not to ask.
[ Make her be a little bit meaner. ]
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He got himself into that bullshit, like the rest of us. So I'm not letting you off the hook. I won't let either of you rest till you ask him.
[ She'll make Aerith be meaner! It's practically her specialty. ]
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It's warm. ]
Y'know, I really believe you when you say you won't let me rest. I bet if I don't follow through quick enough, you'll even bite.
[ Figuratively speaking, that is. Though she doesn't doubt that Maika also bites (real). ]
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[ It's so nice to have one thing she does feel secure in her ability to do. She stretches her legs out and looks across the room thoughtfully. ]
You always let people get the best of you like that? Making allowances for them, trying to understand them.
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I can bite too, y'know. But just because I can doesn't mean I don't wanna try to understand someone else. I should at least hear them out if they give me good enough reason to.
[ Aerith brings the cup down closer to her lap, turning to look at Maika's face. ]
If there's one thing I won't do, it's letting someone walk all over me.
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[ But it's not like Aerith hadn't already qualified her observation. Maika can see in her a flicker of what Kippa might grow into. But she's never known an adult like that, really — maybe they just can't survive, where she's from. She glances back to meet Aerith's eyes. ]
...Never mind. You're soft. But you're not as naive as you look, either.
[ After what she'd said at the meeting, well. ]
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[ She bumps up against Maika again, soft and teasing. ]
Where I’m from… it’s not exactly sunshine and rainbows. I’ve done plenty of fighting myself, even if I don’t look like I have. If someone pulled a weapon on me, I think I could manage.
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[ She bumps Aerith back, leaning against her for just a moment while she hunts for words. How to explain that Aerith is soft in the same way Corvin, a veteran of two wars with no shortage of blood and betrayals on his hands, is? ]
...It's believing that your life matters more than anyone else who might have to die for you to keep existing. Putting yourself first no matter what the cost is. That's what I don't believe you could do.
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[ Because she managed to figure that out about Aerith with no issue, and honestly? She's surprised and just a little bit impressed. ]
If I can do something to save a bunch of people, even if it's really dangerous... I'll do it. I won't even think twice about it either.
[ She has a feeling Maika wouldn't like that, so she continues. May as well get it over with in one fell swoop, huh? ]
For example, the planet is dying back home. As the last Cetra, it's kind of my duty to do whatever I can to save it, even if that means fighting till the bitter end.
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I'm not someone who can afford to be taken by surprise. And it's not hard. People like you, who can't stop seeing others as people before they see them as threats or obstacles...
[ They're always like that. To learn to be selfish, you have to learn how to see the opponent as a parameter and not a person. And that's what Aerith doesn't seem capable of.
Maika's jaw tightens a little at the answer. She doesn't like it — and she's not surprised by it. How many times has she heard variations on that refrain? "We have to help them, Miss." "They're just scared." "Will you help our people?" ]
Why is it your duty? It didn't get there on its own. You aren't the last of your people by coincidence. So what are you fighting for?
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Hm.
It stirs emotions in her that she's not quite sure how to process, but at least she is sure of her answer to that question. ]
For the people I care about. The ones that have made everything bad that I've been through worth it, just because I get to be with them. I'm doing this for them, so that they can keep smiling.
Maybe that does make me weak, but I love my friends too much to let them get hurt if there's anything I can do about it. Even if it hurts me in the end.
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It's hard, not to think of all the people who aren't here. ]
I was taught that way. Love is a weakness, and fear that you can't make into a weapon is an indulgence. Even good people will tell you that -- because what's "right" is being ready to sacrifice the few to save the many, if you have to.
[ That's what "duty" is, isn't it? That abnegation of self to become a symbol. People whose souls aren't even occupied by anything else, letting themselves be eaten anyway. ]
Fuck them, though. What's worth fighting for is whatever makes it worth it for you to wake up in the morning. Just don't forget how much those friends will bitch you out if you let yourself get hurt doing it.
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Oh, they will, that's for sure.
[ Aerith glances at Maika, a small smile on her lips, though it's full of resolve. ]
But they know me well enough by now to understand where I'm coming from. I'm no hero or anything, but they fill me with a strength that makes me feel like I can do anything. If I don't do anything good with that feeling, then what's it all for?
[ She knows how that sounds, though, like she's resigned to her death, but... ]
I'm not worried about getting too hurt, though. They'll protect me. If anyone's got my back, I know they do.
[ To face scary things with confidence, that's what friends are for. That's what the important people in your life are for. They carry you through it. It seems like Maika understands that much, despite the harsh ideals she grew up under, so Aerith can't help but wonder: ]
Who do you fight for, Maika?
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[ Maika's brow crimps for a moment in wry amusement. She wonders if Aerith's right — if those friends will protect her, or if they even can. But what else have they got? Not fighting? Maika can't imagine a world like that, either. ]
You'd better be right about that. At least your collecting military men might be good for something.
[ Yeah, she hadn't forgotten that. She never forgets a weakness. But the momentary levity slips from her face at the question, and she shoots a quick sidelong look at Aerith. It could almost be a rhetorical question, except for the listening quality to Aerith's silences, waiting and curious. Maika feels her throat tighten a little at the speed with which the answer fills her mind. ]
Some idiots too fucking stupid to even give up on me. [ And after a heartbeat of hesitation, a little more quietly: ] Her name is Kippa.
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Besides, she feels called out!! But Maika isn't wrong, either. She knows Cloud will protect her, should he ever have to, even in spite of all of his issues. If Maika's demeanor hadn't shifted to something so serious, Aerith would have half a mind to playfully shove her. ]
Kippa.
[ She repeats the name, if only because it makes Kippa feel more real to her. ]
Wanna tell me about her?
[ If so, Aerith would like to hear it. But that slight hint of hesitation on Maika's behalf means Aerith also doesn't mind giving her an out either. ]
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But at the same time, she wants to. At least with Aerith. It feels like writing in the journal, like refusing to let herself forget what keeps her moving forward. ]
She's a stupid little fox child. [ And with another flicker of a glance towards Aerith, considering what she mentioned before: ] She got herself sold to the same Cumaean lab I was breaking into to murder some witches. She was almost as scared of me as she was of them, at first. Now I can't seem to get rid of her.
[ Which explains Kippa, but doesn't explain Kippa at all. Maika heaves a sigh, exasperated. ]
No matter what shit goes wrong, she believes in sunshine and fairy tales. That people can understand each other, that you can save something if you fight hard enough. That you can forgive people and they'll do better. That kindness matters.
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[ She laughs softly, but she's sure Maika isn't surprised by that one bit. Of course Aerith would like a girl described as someone who believes in kindness. ]
I get the feeling that you don't exactly mind that you can't get rid of her.
[ And idly, in the back of her mind, she wonders if Maika wouldn't mind if she couldn't get rid of Aerith either. Rough and jagged around the edges, Aerith thinks that Maika is the kind of person who still wants to believe in kindness, despite everything that's told her not to. That kind of person... it's hard for Aerith not to feel a touch of fondness already. ]
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[ She tries to make that sound like a complaint. But considering she just all but admitted to Kippa being her reason to keep going, it probably falls a little flat. Maika heaves a sigh of annoyance(?) and flings herself back on the bed to stare up at the underside of the bunk instead. ]
When she gets herself killed running after me, I'm going to tell her "I told you so." [ Maika being Maika, that might even be true. But a little softer: ] ...She keeps me from forgetting things. Forgetting myself.
[ Things she never really believed in, but wanted to. The child who told her auntie that she hated fighting. She thinks if she told Aerith that, she'd understand; that, more than anything, is incentive to change the subject again. It feels like she understands too much already. ]
Tell me about your friends.
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