[ What's on their list of concerns is a way of escape from the dying planet, but that's another thing she can get into some other time. There are a lot of moving parts to everything going on back home, and the last thing she wants to do is bore Maika with all of it.
Unfortunately, Maika doesn't escape Aerith's perception check of an 18, because she smiles softly. ]
Just tried to see if you could actually tell here, right? I kinda want to know what you did smell, honestly.
[ But she'll go ahead and explain what a Cetra is right now anyway instead of dwelling. ]
The Cetra are also known as the Ancients, people from a long, long time ago who were the stewards of the planet. We're different from regular humans because we can communicate directly with the lifestream that flows through the planet. What the planet tells me can vary, but... I've known when people have passed before, and other little things like that.
[ Of course Aerith is Avrae's favorite child only when it's time for crimes to be committed. Maika gives a sniff — a huffing sniff, not another scenting sniff — and tosses her hair without answering.
Lilies, maybe? Or jasmine? No, she's not letting her thoughts wander. ]
And you probably know when the planet is hurting. Or dying.
[ Hearing when people pass away, like a nekomancer? Maika doesn't know if that part sounds like a blessing or a curse, either. ]
The Ancients on my planet are strong. Practically immortal. Hundreds of years don't age them much, and they'll heal from almost any wound. Did your planet give you any of that, along with the stewardship job? Or just... talking?
[ Has Maika been having casual conversations this whole time with someone actually a few thousand years old? It wouldn't be the first time. But it would shift her perspective a little. She peers more intently at Aerith's expression, like she's trying to read signs of secret age there. ]
[ There's no secret wisdom written on her face, just her bangs slightly encroaching on her cheek and her bright green eyes watching as Maika studies her. A small drop of mirth rests in her eyes too, manifesting in the bright way she stares back, her lips curved in a little smile. ]
Just talking. Sounds pretty boring when I put it like that, doesn't it? There's probably more that we can do, but I'll never know it. My mom was the last one who knew anything about the Cetra at all.
[ And idly she wonders if Maika is ever going to tell her what she smelled just now, but she doesn't say it, content to lay here and wait for Maika's assessment of her face instead. ]
It's not boring. It's like sending you to the frontlines stark naked.
[ How are they supposed to protect anything with such a fragile power?
Then again... it's easy to underestimate soft things, small things. What is peace and understandings and great strength made up of if not talking? Aerith looks so strangely relaxed right now, as if she's confident despite everything. Her smile eases some of Maika's formless worry despite all logic. ]
[ Is this something she should tell Maika? Aerith doesn't make a habit of divulging things like this, but there's a strange sort of comfort between them, here on this bed. The soft mattress, the heat of the tea, the warmth emanating from Maika even though it's so, so clear she tries to encase herself in a cold ice. That little shield didn't seem to last long, did it?
Like this, it's easy to open up, to turn to the page of one of the worst moments of her life and speak it into existence. ]
I was seven, so... about fifteen years ago. We just escaped the research labs, but mom had been undergoing so many harsh experiments that she didn't make it far past the train platform. I tried to find a doctor to help her, but you know how undercities go.
[ No one listened. ]
But I got lucky. Someone took me in, no questions asked.
[ The numbers help, give her something simple and factual to focus on. That makes Aerith twenty-two now; seven was a few years younger than Maika was when her mother died.
If she lets herself venture beyond the factual it's too easy to picture. She knows how cities wracked with hardship are, how people are. She doesn't need Aerith to tell her to know exactly the reaction of the people passing by, or the way a small child would have called in desperation and fading hope. She's seen it so many times. ]
No one answered. They looked away and pretended not to see you, walked faster, shook off your hand. No one would have wanted to take care of anyone but themself.
[ She understands a little better now the weight behind the emotions on Aerith's face when she talked about Ushirono. After living through that, could her hatred be any less than Maika's? It's just balanced with things Maika never had.
She shifts a little, unsure what words she could choose in comfort. Hard truths are easy. This part is the unknown. ]
You found a new home. But you never forgot. Is that it?
[ And Maika has the right of it too, whatever she's picturing as accurate as can be. Walking faster, pretending not to see her, even yelling at her and telling her to leave... The harsh realities of life in the undercity were made clear to her within minutes of arriving—an introduction to a cruel world after just having left what was essentially a confinement. ]
But all I could do after that was pick myself up and keep looking forward. People can be cruel, but that was no reason for me to be the same way, y'know? I had to keep going, no matter what other people had to say about it.
[ Maybe it's overly positive of her, but she knows it isn't naivety. ]
[ Maika falls silent for a long while, letting that thought sink into her bones. Aerith says it so lightly, but what had that cost? Everything Maika's ever done in her life is to become strong — to chase her mother's ambition, her mother's approval. That strength never left any room for kindness. Failing to answer force with force would just encourage more of the same.
What would it take to absorb that without coming to hate everyone and everything? A lot more than Maika ever had. ]
...Why? How do you keep hoping? When you've seen how people are, why even bother looking for the good in them? What good does it do anyone if it's buried down under their selfishness and brutality?
Because there are plenty of people where it isn't. Sometimes they get drowned out by all the bad people, but I know that there are plenty out there who really, really care.
[ The random people they've encountered on their journey, Jesse, Wedge, Biggs... Zack.
They're out there, that much Aerith knows. Even if they're now gone, they're still people that made an impact on the world, that spread their kindness in little ripples that will continue to fan out into the world. ]
Sometimes you have to really look for it to even see it at all, but when you're able to latch onto that brightness in someone's heart, you can end up looking right into the sun.
I'm not saying you have to look for it yourself, especially with everything it sounds like you've been through. [ It's an assumption, but Maika's words and demeanor seem to suggest that she's seen plenty of horrors of her own. ] But I think you can find it, if you want to. You'll be able to find more people like Kippa.
[ Continuing to look for hope, no matter how many times you keep losing it? It's exhausting. It's an impossible standard to hold yourself to.
And it's dazzling, too. Maybe unexpectedly, Maika doesn't have a cynical rebuttal ready. She just makes a thoughtful hum, though her gaze slides away from Aerith's face for a moment. ]
Kippa would tell me that it's exactly because of how I am that I just have to look twice as hard as anyone else would. So maybe you're softer than a silly fox-child.
[ There's a wry note in her voice, and a tiny spark of teasing. She seems to find her equilibrium after a moment, enough to look Aerith in the eyes again. ]
I wasn't asking for me. You're just... a puzzle I can't figure out. So much for my supposed ability to read people.
[ Although if she had to apply her particular skillset to Aerith... people attribute the motives to others that they feel most instinctively themselves. If Aerith looks for caring in places that don't show it, it suggests she's someone who cares so deeply that she searches for that reflection in others. ]
[ Maybe she really is softer. Aerith doesn't know that that's necessarily true, but it certainly could be. She's always been sensitive and prone to upset, even while looking for the things in life that could bring a smile to her face.
That isn't a bad thing though, and if anything, Aerith thinks it's a strength. It's why it's easy for her to take it as the tease that it is, a little smile settling on her lips. ]
A puzzle, huh? I hope that's a good thing.
[ A compliment, maybe? She would gladly take it as Maika calling her cool and mysterious, but the tone of their conversation leads her to believe that that isn't exactly the case. Despite the warm glow of the atmosphere that has settled between them, she knows that what Maika says goes deeper than just a compliment. ]
[ Although Maika does exactly the opposite of her words, rolling onto her back again to look up at the underside of the bunk bed above them. She can practically still feel the warmth Aerith's smile on her skin like the sun bearing down on the steppes. ]
...No one's been using this bed since I've been here. If you don't want to go back to an empty room tonight, you might as well take it.
[ Would she just run herself in circles with her thoughts if she went back alone? Maika probably would. ]
[ For a moment, Aerith doesn't really know what to do with that, her pulse quickening. Feeling flustered is foreign to her, and that Maika looks away only serves to make her feel... unsure. She's well aware that she isn't the only one who feels that little spark, and she lets it settle between them for now, a slow burning ember that one of them will need to address at some point. ]
Is that an invitation to stay over?
[ Despite her teasing tone, she wears a soft smile. ]
I'll take you up on that offer, then. I think I'd feel better not being alone.
[ Maika had just been opening her mouth to offer to take Aerith's room instead — she didn't know Ushirono well, and she's slept in more haunted places — but that answer gets her to shut it again with a quiet huff.
Is she surprised that Aerith wants her to stay? She's not sure. She hasn't exactly been the comforting type for at least seven years. But sometimes, anyone is better than nothing. She can tell herself it makes sense like that. ]
Take it whenever you want it. It's not like the room is really mine in the first place.
[ Which is a roundabout way of saying Aerith is welcome here when she chooses, really. ]
Then I'll take it tonight, if you don't mind having a guest stay over.
[ She knows Maika wouldn't offer if she didn't mean it. After all, she's the sort of woman who is well aware of this being an intrusion on her space. Yet... Aerith can't help but reach out for that little extra bit of confirmation anyway. ]
[ Maika glances back over, half in surprise again. Maybe she's gotten a little too used to Kippa and Corvin just willfully interpreting right over the things she says with their own positive takes. As positive and resilient as she is, Aerith is a little more delicate, isn't she?
Maika's bad at delicate. But she takes her time trying to dig through her memories for the closest approximation. ]
...I don't mind— the company. It's been a while since I was alone with my thoughts for this long. Probably just a matter of time until I get too restless and set something on fire.
[ She can feel it, Maika's eyes on her, refusing to stray for one, two, three seconds too long. Aerith isn't oblivious—never has been—and she knows what gazes like that mean, the potential that they can hold. She feels particularly sensitive for a moment, like her nerves are firing simultaneously right underneath her skin and it makes her want to shiver.
All at once, she's aware of the atmosphere. The lack of space between them, the late hour, the soft and intimately revealing conversation. Her smile softens for a moment before she shifts to something closer to a grin, trying to ease over some of the tension.
It isn't lost on her, none of it is. That's especially the case as she shrugs off her jacket and lets it hit the floor before falling back against the mattress. ]
You're right about that. I don't think she needs another thing on her plate.
Although, who knows? Maybe one thing too many and she'd finally give up and drop all of it.
[ It's an offhand thought, the words chosen half at random. Her mind isn't on Mina or her predicament at all right now. Unfortunately.
Maybe it's the way Aerith meets her gaze, or the spark of knowing awareness in her eyes. Or maybe it's the little smile — the softness and openness, an inviting gentleness. Maika feels herself swallow, suddenly all too aware of the warmth of the room, the warmth of Aerith's body close to hers. And when Aerith starts shedding her outermost layer—
Well. Maika's complexion doesn't show a blush readily. But she's abruptly aware of it heating her skin, making her feel momentarily dizzy. A little too hurried to be casual, she pushes herself up and swings her legs off the bed. Time to retreat to the upper bunk, unless Aerith is looking for a lot more distraction to get the worries off her mind. And that feels — she's not sure about that. Like taking advantage of her lowered guard from the shock she'd gotten at the meeting, just at this moment. ]
[ The heaviness between them makes it hard for her to even comprehend what Maika says, as simple a statement as it is. Her thoughts are elsewhere entirely, quick-moving and uncertain. It really isn't a question of whether she wants to grab hold of whatever it is that hangs between them, but a matter of whether or not she should.
Despite her tendency to follow along with her own whims, Aerith knows when something could be a bad idea, when it could shift things irreversibly. And this moment, right here? There wouldn't be any going back.
So it's why she lets Maika go in what's an obvious hurry to scramble up to the top bunk. It's like there's air in the room again, cool and breathable even if her heart still races.
This... this is a feeling to look into another time, when she's had ample opportunity to think and her mind isn't a frenzied mess of jumbled thoughts and unearned grief. So, she shifts around, getting comfortable as she lays her head on the pillow. Getting under the sheets doesn't feel right, not at this moment. ]
[ Is she relieved that her escape was so effortless? Mostly... yes, she thinks. Maika rarely does things simply for show — not important things, anyway. This was the better choice. Better for Aerith, better for her. Better for not confounding whatever Aerith is feeling now with anything else.
Still. The quiet sigh she lets out is weighted with complications. She disguises it with the rustle of blankets as she burrows in, too warm but safely hidden again. ]
...Goodnight, little bird.
[ And she's going to fling her arm over her eyes and will herself to sleep, with the experience and determination of someone who's truly learned to get rest whenever and however she can. ]
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bloodandstars) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
linknet2024-07-26 02:53 pm
no subject
[ What's on their list of concerns is a way of escape from the dying planet, but that's another thing she can get into some other time. There are a lot of moving parts to everything going on back home, and the last thing she wants to do is bore Maika with all of it.
Unfortunately, Maika doesn't escape Aerith's perception check of an 18, because she smiles softly. ]
Just tried to see if you could actually tell here, right? I kinda want to know what you did smell, honestly.
[ But she'll go ahead and explain what a Cetra is right now anyway instead of dwelling. ]
The Cetra are also known as the Ancients, people from a long, long time ago who were the stewards of the planet. We're different from regular humans because we can communicate directly with the lifestream that flows through the planet. What the planet tells me can vary, but... I've known when people have passed before, and other little things like that.
no subject
Lilies, maybe? Or jasmine? No, she's not letting her thoughts wander. ]
And you probably know when the planet is hurting. Or dying.
[ Hearing when people pass away, like a nekomancer? Maika doesn't know if that part sounds like a blessing or a curse, either. ]
The Ancients on my planet are strong. Practically immortal. Hundreds of years don't age them much, and they'll heal from almost any wound. Did your planet give you any of that, along with the stewardship job? Or just... talking?
[ Has Maika been having casual conversations this whole time with someone actually a few thousand years old? It wouldn't be the first time. But it would shift her perspective a little. She peers more intently at Aerith's expression, like she's trying to read signs of secret age there. ]
no subject
Just talking. Sounds pretty boring when I put it like that, doesn't it? There's probably more that we can do, but I'll never know it. My mom was the last one who knew anything about the Cetra at all.
[ And idly she wonders if Maika is ever going to tell her what she smelled just now, but she doesn't say it, content to lay here and wait for Maika's assessment of her face instead. ]
no subject
[ How are they supposed to protect anything with such a fragile power?
Then again... it's easy to underestimate soft things, small things. What is peace and understandings and great strength made up of if not talking? Aerith looks so strangely relaxed right now, as if she's confident despite everything. Her smile eases some of Maika's formless worry despite all logic. ]
...You lost her. How long ago?
no subject
Like this, it's easy to open up, to turn to the page of one of the worst moments of her life and speak it into existence. ]
I was seven, so... about fifteen years ago. We just escaped the research labs, but mom had been undergoing so many harsh experiments that she didn't make it far past the train platform. I tried to find a doctor to help her, but you know how undercities go.
[ No one listened. ]
But I got lucky. Someone took me in, no questions asked.
no subject
If she lets herself venture beyond the factual it's too easy to picture. She knows how cities wracked with hardship are, how people are. She doesn't need Aerith to tell her to know exactly the reaction of the people passing by, or the way a small child would have called in desperation and fading hope. She's seen it so many times. ]
No one answered. They looked away and pretended not to see you, walked faster, shook off your hand. No one would have wanted to take care of anyone but themself.
[ She understands a little better now the weight behind the emotions on Aerith's face when she talked about Ushirono. After living through that, could her hatred be any less than Maika's? It's just balanced with things Maika never had.
She shifts a little, unsure what words she could choose in comfort. Hard truths are easy. This part is the unknown. ]
You found a new home. But you never forgot. Is that it?
no subject
[ And Maika has the right of it too, whatever she's picturing as accurate as can be. Walking faster, pretending not to see her, even yelling at her and telling her to leave... The harsh realities of life in the undercity were made clear to her within minutes of arriving—an introduction to a cruel world after just having left what was essentially a confinement. ]
But all I could do after that was pick myself up and keep looking forward. People can be cruel, but that was no reason for me to be the same way, y'know? I had to keep going, no matter what other people had to say about it.
[ Maybe it's overly positive of her, but she knows it isn't naivety. ]
no subject
What would it take to absorb that without coming to hate everyone and everything? A lot more than Maika ever had. ]
...Why? How do you keep hoping? When you've seen how people are, why even bother looking for the good in them? What good does it do anyone if it's buried down under their selfishness and brutality?
no subject
[ The random people they've encountered on their journey, Jesse, Wedge, Biggs... Zack.
They're out there, that much Aerith knows. Even if they're now gone, they're still people that made an impact on the world, that spread their kindness in little ripples that will continue to fan out into the world. ]
Sometimes you have to really look for it to even see it at all, but when you're able to latch onto that brightness in someone's heart, you can end up looking right into the sun.
I'm not saying you have to look for it yourself, especially with everything it sounds like you've been through. [ It's an assumption, but Maika's words and demeanor seem to suggest that she's seen plenty of horrors of her own. ] But I think you can find it, if you want to. You'll be able to find more people like Kippa.
no subject
And it's dazzling, too. Maybe unexpectedly, Maika doesn't have a cynical rebuttal ready. She just makes a thoughtful hum, though her gaze slides away from Aerith's face for a moment. ]
Kippa would tell me that it's exactly because of how I am that I just have to look twice as hard as anyone else would. So maybe you're softer than a silly fox-child.
[ There's a wry note in her voice, and a tiny spark of teasing. She seems to find her equilibrium after a moment, enough to look Aerith in the eyes again. ]
I wasn't asking for me. You're just... a puzzle I can't figure out. So much for my supposed ability to read people.
[ Although if she had to apply her particular skillset to Aerith... people attribute the motives to others that they feel most instinctively themselves. If Aerith looks for caring in places that don't show it, it suggests she's someone who cares so deeply that she searches for that reflection in others. ]
no subject
That isn't a bad thing though, and if anything, Aerith thinks it's a strength. It's why it's easy for her to take it as the tease that it is, a little smile settling on her lips. ]
A puzzle, huh? I hope that's a good thing.
[ A compliment, maybe? She would gladly take it as Maika calling her cool and mysterious, but the tone of their conversation leads her to believe that that isn't exactly the case. Despite the warm glow of the atmosphere that has settled between them, she knows that what Maika says goes deeper than just a compliment. ]
no subject
[ Although Maika does exactly the opposite of her words, rolling onto her back again to look up at the underside of the bunk bed above them. She can practically still feel the warmth Aerith's smile on her skin like the sun bearing down on the steppes. ]
...No one's been using this bed since I've been here. If you don't want to go back to an empty room tonight, you might as well take it.
[ Would she just run herself in circles with her thoughts if she went back alone? Maika probably would. ]
no subject
Is that an invitation to stay over?
[ Despite her teasing tone, she wears a soft smile. ]
I'll take you up on that offer, then. I think I'd feel better not being alone.
no subject
Is she surprised that Aerith wants her to stay? She's not sure. She hasn't exactly been the comforting type for at least seven years. But sometimes, anyone is better than nothing. She can tell herself it makes sense like that. ]
Take it whenever you want it. It's not like the room is really mine in the first place.
[ Which is a roundabout way of saying Aerith is welcome here when she chooses, really. ]
no subject
[ She knows Maika wouldn't offer if she didn't mean it. After all, she's the sort of woman who is well aware of this being an intrusion on her space. Yet... Aerith can't help but reach out for that little extra bit of confirmation anyway. ]
no subject
Maika's bad at delicate. But she takes her time trying to dig through her memories for the closest approximation. ]
...I don't mind— the company. It's been a while since I was alone with my thoughts for this long. Probably just a matter of time until I get too restless and set something on fire.
no subject
Well, in that case... I better stay so you don't end up doing that.
[ Sure, it's a bit of a contrived reason, but she'll grab it and hold it close anyway. ]
no subject
She doesn't know how to say the right thing, ever. But it'd be nice to make Aerith smile like that again. ]
Good. The little priestess will probably thank you later.
[ Yep, that's the safe deflection. Do it for Mina. ]
no subject
All at once, she's aware of the atmosphere. The lack of space between them, the late hour, the soft and intimately revealing conversation. Her smile softens for a moment before she shifts to something closer to a grin, trying to ease over some of the tension.
It isn't lost on her, none of it is. That's especially the case as she shrugs off her jacket and lets it hit the floor before falling back against the mattress. ]
You're right about that. I don't think she needs another thing on her plate.
no subject
[ It's an offhand thought, the words chosen half at random. Her mind isn't on Mina or her predicament at all right now. Unfortunately.
Maybe it's the way Aerith meets her gaze, or the spark of knowing awareness in her eyes. Or maybe it's the little smile — the softness and openness, an inviting gentleness. Maika feels herself swallow, suddenly all too aware of the warmth of the room, the warmth of Aerith's body close to hers. And when Aerith starts shedding her outermost layer—
Well. Maika's complexion doesn't show a blush readily. But she's abruptly aware of it heating her skin, making her feel momentarily dizzy. A little too hurried to be casual, she pushes herself up and swings her legs off the bed. Time to retreat to the upper bunk, unless Aerith is looking for a lot more distraction to get the worries off her mind. And that feels — she's not sure about that. Like taking advantage of her lowered guard from the shock she'd gotten at the meeting, just at this moment. ]
no subject
Despite her tendency to follow along with her own whims, Aerith knows when something could be a bad idea, when it could shift things irreversibly. And this moment, right here? There wouldn't be any going back.
So it's why she lets Maika go in what's an obvious hurry to scramble up to the top bunk. It's like there's air in the room again, cool and breathable even if her heart still races.
This... this is a feeling to look into another time, when she's had ample opportunity to think and her mind isn't a frenzied mess of jumbled thoughts and unearned grief. So, she shifts around, getting comfortable as she lays her head on the pillow. Getting under the sheets doesn't feel right, not at this moment. ]
Good night.
no subject
Still. The quiet sigh she lets out is weighted with complications. She disguises it with the rustle of blankets as she burrows in, too warm but safely hidden again. ]
...Goodnight, little bird.
[ And she's going to fling her arm over her eyes and will herself to sleep, with the experience and determination of someone who's truly learned to get rest whenever and however she can. ]