Have you heard of Idrila? I am one who follows them ardently, as a Knight of Beauty. If you ever wish to ask anything of me, I will gladly answer, and do my best to assist.
NOTE
The universe is filled with beauty. No matter where one is in the cosmos, this is a truth ingrained in existence itself. Therefore, I shall treasure every meeting between each and every beautiful soul I cross paths with.
Bloody. Had a knife on my shirt that alerted me that that was...all real. Every bit of it was.
[There's no joy in Sayaka's tone. Absolutely no enjoyment to be taken in this, or anything else. But a likely very cold reality of what happened.
She takes another breath to steady herself.]
...Kuwata-kun, the boy that I'd intended to kill...he managed to kill me instead. When he arrived, he was too fast for me to try and distract him, and he managed to take a weapon and knock the knife that I was going to try and kill him with out of my hand. I...
I ran into the bathroom, panicking afterward. I thought I'd failed my friends, that I failed everyone that I was trying to help with this--because I was acting so selfish, and the thought of losing everything and going back to the lonely existence I had before signing on made me become fully selfish, and I couldn't return to it. I couldn't, because anything would be better than that. Everything just ran at my mind a mile a minute, and...
Kuwata-kun, he...the door to the bathroom jammed up, and he took a toolkit and dismantled the door to get inside. I don't know why. He must have been trying to check on me or something, but I...
...I attacked him again, and in the ensuing struggle...well...
[Sayaka's hand is shaky, but she points to the area on her stomach where she was stabbed. Certainly fatal, without any sort of intervention.
...But there's something else. She doesn't say it yet, though, just kind of bracing herself. If Argenti is going to bring judgement, then so be it.]
[ In all honesty, listening to this story, Argenti just knows some of his distant comrades would have disapproved. Some are even stringent than he is when it comes to the code of chivalry, and judgment of others. Even if he isn't necessarily close to them, knowing other people's stances on such things - on the topic of Beauty - within the Knights of Beauty itself is information he's kept close.
In fact, she need not even voice the next part of what happened when she points to a part of her next - the indication of where the fatal blow had been struck.
Still, if Sayaka is awaiting judgment...
...She will find herself not wrong that Argenti will pass it, especially when his expression turns to something more steady. Far more strict; potentially even unforgiving. ]
...I understand.
You must have known that in telling myself this that I would never have approved of such actions. Whatever your reasons, you attempted to kill an innocent, and planned to have another innocent person take the blame for your crime.
Worse still is that you did not give up in your plot even in the end. You dared and desired to carry it out, so that you could come out on top.
These acts are deplorable and worth judgment.
[ He doesn't mince words. Argenti doesn't softball these words. Even with her circumstances in mind, he cannot condone the actions that she has taken.
...That being so, his eyes are actually not full of condemnation as he casts his gaze upon her. ]
And so, I have passed judgment on you...or rather, the "you" of the past.
Now, I look at you as the Sayaka Maizono of the present. Your actions in the past shall follow you, be a reminder of where you had been before. But, as you have told me, you will not let it define you.
I may not find what you did right, and all the same, I believe in the Sayaka I have seen up until now. You were at your worst point. Yet, I know you are capable of much more than that, for I have seen you at your best as well.
Whatever else you wish to say, I shall continue to hear it, and listen well. Because no matter what, I will consider you still to be a dear friend of mine, and nothing you say here has changed that in the slightest.
[ And that, Argenti indicates with his own words, is something that will not change. He indicates that though he doesn't approve of her acts, he still has faith in her. That her desire to move on from that are true. An unconditional form of support that is neither so gentle, but nothing so unforgiving, either. ]
[Sayaka is quiet, but her back is rigid and she doesn't flinch for a second from all of this; if anything, she expects that Argenti's judgement won't be kind, but that he'll carry it out duly. If it means losing him for good this time, then so be it. She doesn't want to lie anymore. She doesn't want Argenti to see the perfect face she's tried to keep this entire time.
She wants him to see her, for better or for worse. Perhaps even see why she said all of the insipid things that she did; because she really has been trying to be better than those actions. Because she wants to be, for Fray, for Argenti, for all of the people she cares for here.
And if it's not enough...
...Then she'll accept that judgement too. No matter what form it takes.]
Of course I knew. That's why I'm telling you this, because...you deserve the truth. I don't want you to see me as this...innocent girl, or whatever it is you saw of me before. I've been living that lie my whole life, and I'm tired of it.
For better or for worse...I want you to see me. Even the ugliest parts.
So please judge me duly.
[Sayaka says her piece, at least, and Argenti doesn't pull punches. Sayaka appreciates it because she knows her actions are abhorrent. She knows that she became terrible in that moment, and selfish, oh so selfish. But when Sayaka opens her eyes finally to look at him, determined to face whatever that judgement is, she...
[She's not sure if this is worse than the thought of Argenti severing contact, but the way he speaks with such...there's determination there, judgement yes, but it startles Sayaka that Argenti would believe in her so much now. She's had plenty of time to ruminate on all of this, and Sayaka wants to be a better person, but to hear Argenti's belief in her so purely and kindly. He judges her past actions, but he also believes in the best of her, and that's...
Whatever else you wish to say, I shall continue to hear it, and listen well. Because no matter what, I will consider you still to be a dear friend of mine, and nothing you say here has changed that in the slightest.
...
(roll will: 17)
It's a herculean feat not to start to tear up when she hears him say that, but the relief that floods her does see her eyes misty despite it all, despite the slack jawed shock, the wide eyes, all of it--it's genuinely overwhelming for a moment.
[It comes out deeply sincere, and deeply thankful. Rather choked up as well, admittedly, and it's a struggle for Sayaka to try and board up those emotions and put them at least in a more acceptable place so she doesn't just break down crying on Argenti.
He believes in her. He believes in the her that he sees now, and it's the most beautiful thing in the world.]
...I don't ever want to become that person again. I've spent so long trying to...understand the world here, to try and understand you all, and try to not ever go down that path again. It's been hard. It's...it's all I've really ever known, and I spent such a long time thinking I didn't deserve to be here. I didn't even know where to start on trying to be...not all of that. And you...
[Sayaka is rapidly losing this battle of not crying.]
You've always been so kind. You've held onto a lot of pain in your own right, and I didn't think it was fair. To...be able to enjoy that kindness and friendship, without at least letting you know of what I've done.
...Thank you for being my friend, even after all of this...
[...Give her a bit to try and compose herself, she's rapidly losing this battle--]
[ ...Ah. He hadn't been certain of the result, but...
This is something he had not expected beyond his wildest imagination - maybe it should have been obvious. That it all could have lead to this result. Her reaction being so receptive.
But these words, the emotional behind her voice...this is all indicative of more than just simple relief.
Argenti can tell, with that expression of gratitude, with the way that she looks at him - that this a complete expression of joy, and other complex feelings.
Argenti grants her a little smile in her direction. ]
I could never fail to be kind to you, my dear friend. You speak such words, that make me happy. I am also glad you took the risk in telling me all of this, no matter how you felt. I understand it could not be easy.
All the same, you must understand that your thoughtful words reach my heart in turn. Your praise, your acts of kindness and consideration...I will remember them, always.
And, I have been grateful most of all, for having the chance to meet you. Every bit of consideration I feel is something that you deserve.
[ Then, he will hold out his arms to Sayaka. Giving her the option to come to him for an embrace. He has a feeling she'll need one - and if she doesn't necessarily need it, that maybe she'll want it too.
...It'll also give her a chance to hide her face when the water works inevitably (?) come. ]
[How funny it is, that he opens his arms so readily in response to all of this. Sayaka just straight up loses the battle of keeping her emotions under control, and while she thankfully doesn't tackle him like she'd done with Fray in the past...
Well, she winds up going into his arms easily, hugging him tightly and finally just. Allowing herself to cry. In relief, out of the kindness he was still willing to show her after he'd heard everything. He still chose to believe. He still chooses to believe in her, and that unflinching kindness and support...it touches her heart in ways she never thought she'd deserve.
But she doesn't get to decide how other people judge her. They get to do that. And it means the world that people still care for her after that.]
Thank you. T-Thank you, thank you Argenti, I--
[...]
...I'm not used to this. I'm sorry. I've only ever known the idea that failure to hide who you are would lead to people hating you, and that you couldn't ever let them see you. Because if you did, they could use it against you. Everyone would hate you. And...you'd just end up alone at the end of it all, whether you tried to be better or not.
Thank you. Your...your kind words have reached me too.
[ Argenti thinks he can very much handle some nice hug tackles, but this is fine as well - instead he gets to hold Sayaka in his arms with remarkable ease. Shifting slightly so he continue to cradle her as she cries into him.
His expression is soft, understanding. He is certain that she was about to unleash tears, so this feels expected. And sometimes, it can be cathartic, to release such emotions.
But, her words - the ones she speak afterwards - continue to warm and soothe his heart so. ]
...For this, there is no need to apologize. You had never had many people that you can even trust in your life - instead, there were many you could never even dream of leaning against for any support. This, I understand well.
That is why I am so glad that I can provide you that. This unending support - and proof that you would not be alone.
And as for your expression of gratitude, consider it something that I shall always be willing to give to you.
[ Nothing less than that for sure. This belief in her will persist as long as Argenti will have it be. ]
It feels...strange, to have such a kind understanding from him--but she welcomes the warmth, craving it and the understanding that Argenti is seeing every bit of her. No more illusions of a perfect, beautiful girl; Sayaka can just be, without the anxiety of perfection.]
...I appreciate it, Argenti. I...don't know what the path forward is going to look like from here, but--
I want to do better. I want to...if I can't make up for what I did, I want to ensure that it doesn't happen again. I want to help people, even if I don't know how. I...
[Sayaka hesitates, wiping her eyes a bit, but her tone is determined.]
...I don't know what I want, but having you all by my side...it makes me feel like I can do anything I set my mind too.
[ Argenti himself recognizes that feeling - that sentiment which rings similarly in his own heart. The way ahead is unknown; unfamiliar, and at times, a bit filled with nothing less than acute trepidation - but at the same time, knowing that others are there on that path, will support you as you are...
It makes all the difference. Argenti truly could only ever continue to understand - can only ever want to make it clear. ]
...I am truly happy that I can give you that much inspiration - the motivation and drive to keep moving forward. Even if you are uncertain of what it looks like ahead; I know myself what that had looked like for myself as well.
[ Perhaps that is another reason why he understands that much. ]
At any point whenever it becomes difficult, it shall also serve as a reminder that I will still continue to be here for you.
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beautifulknight) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
linknet2024-07-25 09:10 pm
no subject
[There's no joy in Sayaka's tone. Absolutely no enjoyment to be taken in this, or anything else. But a likely very cold reality of what happened.
She takes another breath to steady herself.]
...Kuwata-kun, the boy that I'd intended to kill...he managed to kill me instead. When he arrived, he was too fast for me to try and distract him, and he managed to take a weapon and knock the knife that I was going to try and kill him with out of my hand. I...
I ran into the bathroom, panicking afterward. I thought I'd failed my friends, that I failed everyone that I was trying to help with this--because I was acting so selfish, and the thought of losing everything and going back to the lonely existence I had before signing on made me become fully selfish, and I couldn't return to it. I couldn't, because anything would be better than that. Everything just ran at my mind a mile a minute, and...
Kuwata-kun, he...the door to the bathroom jammed up, and he took a toolkit and dismantled the door to get inside. I don't know why. He must have been trying to check on me or something, but I...
...I attacked him again, and in the ensuing struggle...well...
[Sayaka's hand is shaky, but she points to the area on her stomach where she was stabbed. Certainly fatal, without any sort of intervention.
...But there's something else. She doesn't say it yet, though, just kind of bracing herself. If Argenti is going to bring judgement, then so be it.]
no subject
In fact, she need not even voice the next part of what happened when she points to a part of her next - the indication of where the fatal blow had been struck.
Still, if Sayaka is awaiting judgment...
...She will find herself not wrong that Argenti will pass it, especially when his expression turns to something more steady. Far more strict; potentially even unforgiving. ]
...I understand.
You must have known that in telling myself this that I would never have approved of such actions. Whatever your reasons, you attempted to kill an innocent, and planned to have another innocent person take the blame for your crime.
Worse still is that you did not give up in your plot even in the end. You dared and desired to carry it out, so that you could come out on top.
These acts are deplorable and worth judgment.
[ He doesn't mince words. Argenti doesn't softball these words. Even with her circumstances in mind, he cannot condone the actions that she has taken.
...That being so, his eyes are actually not full of condemnation as he casts his gaze upon her. ]
And so, I have passed judgment on you...or rather, the "you" of the past.
Now, I look at you as the Sayaka Maizono of the present. Your actions in the past shall follow you, be a reminder of where you had been before. But, as you have told me, you will not let it define you.
I may not find what you did right, and all the same, I believe in the Sayaka I have seen up until now. You were at your worst point. Yet, I know you are capable of much more than that, for I have seen you at your best as well.
Whatever else you wish to say, I shall continue to hear it, and listen well. Because no matter what, I will consider you still to be a dear friend of mine, and nothing you say here has changed that in the slightest.
[ And that, Argenti indicates with his own words, is something that will not change. He indicates that though he doesn't approve of her acts, he still has faith in her. That her desire to move on from that are true. An unconditional form of support that is neither so gentle, but nothing so unforgiving, either. ]
1/?
She wants him to see her, for better or for worse. Perhaps even see why she said all of the insipid things that she did; because she really has been trying to be better than those actions. Because she wants to be, for Fray, for Argenti, for all of the people she cares for here.
And if it's not enough...
...Then she'll accept that judgement too. No matter what form it takes.]
2/?
For better or for worse...I want you to see me. Even the ugliest parts.
So please judge me duly.
[Sayaka says her piece, at least, and Argenti doesn't pull punches. Sayaka appreciates it because she knows her actions are abhorrent. She knows that she became terrible in that moment, and selfish, oh so selfish. But when Sayaka opens her eyes finally to look at him, determined to face whatever that judgement is, she...
...She isn't expecting the lack of condemnation.]
3/4?
Whatever else you wish to say, I shall continue to hear it, and listen well. Because no matter what, I will consider you still to be a dear friend of mine, and nothing you say here has changed that in the slightest.
...
(roll will: 17)
It's a herculean feat not to start to tear up when she hears him say that, but the relief that floods her does see her eyes misty despite it all, despite the slack jawed shock, the wide eyes, all of it--it's genuinely overwhelming for a moment.
But she doesn't look away.]
4/4
[It comes out deeply sincere, and deeply thankful. Rather choked up as well, admittedly, and it's a struggle for Sayaka to try and board up those emotions and put them at least in a more acceptable place so she doesn't just break down crying on Argenti.
He believes in her. He believes in the her that he sees now, and it's the most beautiful thing in the world.]
...I don't ever want to become that person again. I've spent so long trying to...understand the world here, to try and understand you all, and try to not ever go down that path again. It's been hard. It's...it's all I've really ever known, and I spent such a long time thinking I didn't deserve to be here. I didn't even know where to start on trying to be...not all of that. And you...
[Sayaka is rapidly losing this battle of not crying.]
You've always been so kind. You've held onto a lot of pain in your own right, and I didn't think it was fair. To...be able to enjoy that kindness and friendship, without at least letting you know of what I've done.
...Thank you for being my friend, even after all of this...
[...Give her a bit to try and compose herself, she's rapidly losing this battle--]
no subject
This is something he had not expected beyond his wildest imagination - maybe it should have been obvious. That it all could have lead to this result. Her reaction being so receptive.
But these words, the emotional behind her voice...this is all indicative of more than just simple relief.
Argenti can tell, with that expression of gratitude, with the way that she looks at him - that this a complete expression of joy, and other complex feelings.
Argenti grants her a little smile in her direction. ]
I could never fail to be kind to you, my dear friend. You speak such words, that make me happy. I am also glad you took the risk in telling me all of this, no matter how you felt. I understand it could not be easy.
All the same, you must understand that your thoughtful words reach my heart in turn. Your praise, your acts of kindness and consideration...I will remember them, always.
And, I have been grateful most of all, for having the chance to meet you. Every bit of consideration I feel is something that you deserve.
[ Then, he will hold out his arms to Sayaka. Giving her the option to come to him for an embrace. He has a feeling she'll need one - and if she doesn't necessarily need it, that maybe she'll want it too.
...It'll also give her a chance to hide her face when the water works inevitably (?) come. ]
no subject
Well, she winds up going into his arms easily, hugging him tightly and finally just. Allowing herself to cry. In relief, out of the kindness he was still willing to show her after he'd heard everything. He still chose to believe. He still chooses to believe in her, and that unflinching kindness and support...it touches her heart in ways she never thought she'd deserve.
But she doesn't get to decide how other people judge her. They get to do that. And it means the world that people still care for her after that.]
Thank you. T-Thank you, thank you Argenti, I--
[...]
...I'm not used to this. I'm sorry. I've only ever known the idea that failure to hide who you are would lead to people hating you, and that you couldn't ever let them see you. Because if you did, they could use it against you. Everyone would hate you. And...you'd just end up alone at the end of it all, whether you tried to be better or not.
Thank you. Your...your kind words have reached me too.
no subject
His expression is soft, understanding. He is certain that she was about to unleash tears, so this feels expected. And sometimes, it can be cathartic, to release such emotions.
But, her words - the ones she speak afterwards - continue to warm and soothe his heart so. ]
...For this, there is no need to apologize. You had never had many people that you can even trust in your life - instead, there were many you could never even dream of leaning against for any support. This, I understand well.
That is why I am so glad that I can provide you that. This unending support - and proof that you would not be alone.
And as for your expression of gratitude, consider it something that I shall always be willing to give to you.
[ Nothing less than that for sure. This belief in her will persist as long as Argenti will have it be. ]
no subject
It feels...strange, to have such a kind understanding from him--but she welcomes the warmth, craving it and the understanding that Argenti is seeing every bit of her. No more illusions of a perfect, beautiful girl; Sayaka can just be, without the anxiety of perfection.]
...I appreciate it, Argenti. I...don't know what the path forward is going to look like from here, but--
I want to do better. I want to...if I can't make up for what I did, I want to ensure that it doesn't happen again. I want to help people, even if I don't know how. I...
[Sayaka hesitates, wiping her eyes a bit, but her tone is determined.]
...I don't know what I want, but having you all by my side...it makes me feel like I can do anything I set my mind too.
no subject
It makes all the difference. Argenti truly could only ever continue to understand - can only ever want to make it clear. ]
...I am truly happy that I can give you that much inspiration - the motivation and drive to keep moving forward. Even if you are uncertain of what it looks like ahead; I know myself what that had looked like for myself as well.
[ Perhaps that is another reason why he understands that much. ]
At any point whenever it becomes difficult, it shall also serve as a reminder that I will still continue to be here for you.