[ She's teasing, but she understands where Maika is coming from. Sometimes you live the sort of life that makes it hard to relate to anyone "normal." ]
If you want my opinion, though... I think you're pretty cool.
[ There's more, of course there is, but that's all she'll say this moment. ]
You really don't... no, of course not. I've been practically human the entire time you've known me.
[ Not that she thinks Aerith would hate someone inhuman. But there's a huge difference between this, and the creature that can wipe out thousands in the blink of an eye.
Still. She'd made plenty of people hate her just fine long before she ever had those powers under control. So it's... something. ]
[ And that's not something she's going to back down from! Maika Is Cool, a new Aerith campaign coming straight to you. ]
But you know... my opinion isn't going to change, even if you were suddenly not as human as you are now. The you here is still you, even if it's not the whole picture.
[ That's... welcome and unwelcome. There's enough reason underpinning it that Maika doesn't flinch back entirely. Not so open-ended that it's completely untrustworthy. ]
Maybe. And maybe there's a lot that's not in that picture. I've done things that make Ushirono's list of crimes sound almost cute. I just seem safe because I'm weaker here.
[ That could very well be the case, but at the same time, Aerith still thinks there's a lot of truth to the powered down version of Maika she's seen here. Sitting back in her chair, she gives herself a moment to think. ]
[ Maika props her chin on her hand, her eyes narrowing in something like amusement for a second. At herself, or at Aerith? Maybe both. ]
There's nothing stopping me from lying. Or picking whatever reason I think would tug at your heart.
[ Because Aerith is kind, would want to believe her. She gives it a moment's further consideration. ]
But it's not like it's a secret. I'm not a good person.... strip away all the noise and that's what it comes down to. I want to live, no matter how many other people that hurts.
[ You know, the thing she said she doubted Aerith could choose to do. ]
[ She could have lied, and yet she didn't. To Aerith, that makes a difference, and it's why she sits in a contemplative sort of silence for a few moments, her eyes searching Maika's face for an answer that she wouldn't know how to identify were she to even find it.
Eventually, though, she settles on another question. ]
Why? Why do you want to live so badly?
[ What does she have waiting for her to make her strive so far? What drives her? That's what Aerith wants to know. ]
Does it matter, when the people who die so I can live want to live just as much?
[ Maika's brow furrows at that, and she scuffs a boot restlessly and leans back in her chair. She hates giving words that sound like excuses.
But... it's not like she's never thought about this, either. She has answers upon answers. ]
...There's something the poets say. "There's more hunger in the world than love." That's probably true. But... I still think there's more to the world than that. There's more to me than just hunger and death. I'm not good. But as long as I exist, I can make people even worse than me regret trying to put more pain and misery into a world that doesn't need any more of that shit. Maybe that would make up for something.
I think it does. It makes the people who do bad things really think about their actions, doesn't it?
[ They hear that Maika's coming and get scared and immediately shape up—
She shifts in her seat, trying to form all of the thoughts in her head into words. It's a lot harder than it has any right to be. ]
I'm not gonna idolize you or think you're perfect, but I do think you're a better person than you think you are. That doesn't have to mean that you're "good" or anything like that, but... you probably think worse of yourself than others do.
Maybe. Maybe it keeps them looking over their shoulders.
[ Kind of a paltry offering in apology, if so. But it's something.
She leans back a little in her seat unconsciously as she watches Aerith working through the thought. Maika has to wonder if she said what she did to try to scare Aerith off while there's still lots of time for that, or because part of her knew she'd take it like this — thoughtful, meticulous, really taking her time to give an answer she can feel peaceful with. ]
You'd have one foolish fox child on your side, at least. You both talk like you can make the world better by just believing in it. [ And making people ashamed to let them down. Maika will not comment on its effectiveness, though. ] Well, don't say I never tried to warn you.
[ When Maika inevitably completely disappoints Aerith at least she can say "I told you so." ]
[ Never tried to warn her, huh? That she can make things better or... that she shouldn't be allowing herself to get so close to Maika? There are two layers to this, Aerith thinks—Maika wants to ground Aerith a bit, bring her back down to the earth so that she doesn't let her hopes get the best of her, but she also wants to warn Aerith away from her, too. Maika has done bad things, that much is clear by the way she talks about herself, but Aerith thinks there's more to it. Part of Maika might be afraid to let herself hope, and in turn, to let herself entrust her hope to Aerith.
Maybe she's reading too deeply into this, or maybe she isn't. Either way, Aerith is sure of her answer. ]
Well, you gotta start somewhere, right? Believing you can do it is the first step. If you can't even believe in yourself, then no one is gonna listen to you.
[ Maika pulls a face, expression a little wry — though real warmth flickers in her eyes too. It's a terrifying mental image, how well Aerith and Kippa would get along.
And a little terrifying, too, wondering if she's left herself with a permanent vulnerability there. Has she gotten so used to having that kind of warmth around her that she seeks it out now? More problems to think over later. ]
You know, they teach more or less the same thing in tactical school. You project optimism like a general projects authority. Did you learn that from your terrorist friends?
[ Tactical positivity... now there's a new approach. ]
[ Of course Maika would relate it to something like that. It makes her laugh as she shakes her head. ]
Nope. I learned it all on my own! You have to be positive when you grow up in the slums, y'know. Otherwise you'll never enjoy life.
[ Being grateful for what you have, enjoying the scenery that you've been dealt... that sort of thing. Though Zack was probably responsible for a lot of her positivity now, and an unreadable look passes across her face at the thought.
Is it wrong of her, to be enjoying time with someone else like this? She doesn't think her feelings for Zack are ever going to fade, but... that doesn't mean those feelings can't exist in tandem with anything else either. She had been wrestling with that thought when it came to Cloud too, after all. ]
People do that all the time. Give up on finding joy in things. Focus on surviving.
[ Not everyone, by any means. But it's one of the things that makes Aerith shine as brightly as she does. The determination — the courage it takes to hope for things, when you know how hopeless they can be, is no small thing.
Maika tips her head, willing her expression more sardonic and less introspective as she arches an eyebrow over at Aerith. ]
...So is that your plan for dealing with that burger? Just believing your way through it?
[ Because they still have that bearing down on them very imminently! ]
[ She's right about that. Many people in the slums have, too, but they end up having a much harder time for it. Finding pockets of joy makes survival a lot easier.
But the change in subject shifts her focus away from less depressing thoughts. ]
[ Maika gives a quiet snort, one corner of her mouth twitching. She's willfully not wondering how long it's been since anyone asked her something like that without a hint of irony. And she's definitely not wondering whether that says more about her or about Aerith. ]
Show me what you've got. But I'm still taking pictures.
Maybe it's Maika's preoccupation with that, and not her being Avrae's least favorite daughter that results in her own lackluster burger efforts (11). Still, she's actually smiling a little to herself as she pushes the remains of her plate away from her. ]
[ And she'll go right for that weak spot she sees! ]
I don't know about that... you're the one that comes to find me half the time, you know. I bet I can think positively about you finding me so we can do this again.
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[ She's teasing, but she understands where Maika is coming from. Sometimes you live the sort of life that makes it hard to relate to anyone "normal." ]
If you want my opinion, though... I think you're pretty cool.
[ There's more, of course there is, but that's all she'll say this moment. ]
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[ Not that she thinks Aerith would hate someone inhuman. But there's a huge difference between this, and the creature that can wipe out thousands in the blink of an eye.
Still. She'd made plenty of people hate her just fine long before she ever had those powers under control. So it's... something. ]
"Cool"? Really?
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[ And that's not something she's going to back down from! Maika Is Cool, a new Aerith campaign coming straight to you. ]
But you know... my opinion isn't going to change, even if you were suddenly not as human as you are now. The you here is still you, even if it's not the whole picture.
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Maybe. And maybe there's a lot that's not in that picture. I've done things that make Ushirono's list of crimes sound almost cute. I just seem safe because I'm weaker here.
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What's your reason for doing those things?
[ That, she thinks, makes a difference. ]
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There's nothing stopping me from lying. Or picking whatever reason I think would tug at your heart.
[ Because Aerith is kind, would want to believe her. She gives it a moment's further consideration. ]
But it's not like it's a secret. I'm not a good person.... strip away all the noise and that's what it comes down to. I want to live, no matter how many other people that hurts.
[ You know, the thing she said she doubted Aerith could choose to do. ]
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Eventually, though, she settles on another question. ]
Why? Why do you want to live so badly?
[ What does she have waiting for her to make her strive so far? What drives her? That's what Aerith wants to know. ]
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[ Maika's brow furrows at that, and she scuffs a boot restlessly and leans back in her chair. She hates giving words that sound like excuses.
But... it's not like she's never thought about this, either. She has answers upon answers. ]
...There's something the poets say. "There's more hunger in the world than love." That's probably true. But... I still think there's more to the world than that. There's more to me than just hunger and death. I'm not good. But as long as I exist, I can make people even worse than me regret trying to put more pain and misery into a world that doesn't need any more of that shit. Maybe that would make up for something.
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[ They hear that Maika's coming and get scared and immediately shape up—
She shifts in her seat, trying to form all of the thoughts in her head into words. It's a lot harder than it has any right to be. ]
I'm not gonna idolize you or think you're perfect, but I do think you're a better person than you think you are. That doesn't have to mean that you're "good" or anything like that, but... you probably think worse of yourself than others do.
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[ Kind of a paltry offering in apology, if so. But it's something.
She leans back a little in her seat unconsciously as she watches Aerith working through the thought. Maika has to wonder if she said what she did to try to scare Aerith off while there's still lots of time for that, or because part of her knew she'd take it like this — thoughtful, meticulous, really taking her time to give an answer she can feel peaceful with. ]
You'd have one foolish fox child on your side, at least. You both talk like you can make the world better by just believing in it. [ And making people ashamed to let them down. Maika will not comment on its effectiveness, though. ] Well, don't say I never tried to warn you.
[ When Maika inevitably completely disappoints Aerith at least she can say "I told you so." ]
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Maybe she's reading too deeply into this, or maybe she isn't. Either way, Aerith is sure of her answer. ]
Well, you gotta start somewhere, right? Believing you can do it is the first step. If you can't even believe in yourself, then no one is gonna listen to you.
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And a little terrifying, too, wondering if she's left herself with a permanent vulnerability there. Has she gotten so used to having that kind of warmth around her that she seeks it out now? More problems to think over later. ]
You know, they teach more or less the same thing in tactical school. You project optimism like a general projects authority. Did you learn that from your terrorist friends?
[ Tactical positivity... now there's a new approach. ]
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Nope. I learned it all on my own! You have to be positive when you grow up in the slums, y'know. Otherwise you'll never enjoy life.
[ Being grateful for what you have, enjoying the scenery that you've been dealt... that sort of thing. Though Zack was probably responsible for a lot of her positivity now, and an unreadable look passes across her face at the thought.
Is it wrong of her, to be enjoying time with someone else like this? She doesn't think her feelings for Zack are ever going to fade, but... that doesn't mean those feelings can't exist in tandem with anything else either. She had been wrestling with that thought when it came to Cloud too, after all. ]
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[ Not everyone, by any means. But it's one of the things that makes Aerith shine as brightly as she does. The determination — the courage it takes to hope for things, when you know how hopeless they can be, is no small thing.
Maika tips her head, willing her expression more sardonic and less introspective as she arches an eyebrow over at Aerith. ]
...So is that your plan for dealing with that burger? Just believing your way through it?
[ Because they still have that bearing down on them very imminently! ]
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But the change in subject shifts her focus away from less depressing thoughts. ]
And what if it is? Are you gonna cheer me on?
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Show me what you've got. But I'm still taking pictures.
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[ She gives Maika a little grin before going in to attempt the burger...!
And honestly, Aerith does a shockingly good job at tackling it too (17). She's even managed to clear her entire plate after a little while. ]
I think some congratulations are in order here.
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[ Honestly, most angles flatter Aerith.
Maybe it's Maika's preoccupation with that, and not her being Avrae's least favorite daughter that results in her own lackluster burger efforts (11). Still, she's actually smiling a little to herself as she pushes the remains of her plate away from her. ]
...I can't believe that actually worked.
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The power of positivity and hope! Use this as an example.
[ A silly example. ]
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[ It being silly doesn't undercut the point, (un?)fortunately. Not that she's volunteering that. ]
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[ Tilting her head, she leans forward on the table, resting her chin in her hand. ]
I'm starting to get the impression that a lot of your "maybe"s are actually yeses.
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[ But if Aerith points out that Maika seeks out time with her as it is, well. She doesn't have any rebuttal that'll save her dignity. ]
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I don't know about that... you're the one that comes to find me half the time, you know. I bet I can think positively about you finding me so we can do this again.
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You're pretty cocky. I could stop doing it just to keep from getting too predictable.
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Won't you get a little lonely?
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